I hadn't read your post which came while I was sending mine. Bravo! This sounds like a real beginning. I hope you can build on this. Your responses sound great - calm and reassuring but also clear about your own needs.
Of course there's always the possibility of a "my needs are being met less than your needs" response from her. I think you just need to let her know how important this is to you and to the health of your M. And also, of course, you need to try to understand and, within reason, meet her needs too.
Great going, Doglover
Quote:
Okay, just got back from the MC session. The best part of it all:
MC: (leaning forward and looking directly at W) Know this. That if you spend a half hour less with your daughter a couple times a week, or if you only work on the bills and budget three days a week instead of every day, it will have little long-term effect on your daughter or on your budget. But neglect spending a half hour a day focusing on each others' needs? Your marriage will be doomed.
The MC saved this message for the last minute of the session, and I think it made an impression on W.
In the parking lot, however, she said, "you know, she wasn't just talking to me. You need to work on my needs, too."
H: I know. Marriage is definitely a give and take relationship. I know that you need me to talk to you about life and spirituality and values. In that vein, let's get together and talk tonight.
W: Well, the kids (my older kids) will be there.
H: That's okay. We need to make time for this. I'll spend some time with them, and then we'll spend some time together.
W: Okay.
We'll see.
Hairdog
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
