I haven't followed all the details of your sitch. But my H has intermittent problems with ED too. Honeypot is right that it is a very big deal for the man - painful and embarrassing, a huge blow to his self-esteem.
Has he had medical advice - an examination by a urologist to determine the causes? Is he taking meds, such as certain BP meds, which cause ED? Does he or would he consider taking viagra?
I also agree that counselling could be quite helpful. I found a local counselor on http://www.aasect.org/. She deals with both the emotional and physical sides of the R. (Don't worry - such counselling is just "talk therapy") My H and I have seen her both together and individually and it is helping us to talk about some difficult issues in a caring way and to better understand each other. One consideration - your H might possibly be more comfortable with a male counselor? Can you talk to him about this?
As for your H wanting you around when he's not working - that may be partially due to his being retired, and due to the fact that you are his main, perhaps only, social connection. Again, counselling could be helpful, along with calm reiteration of your caring for him but your need to participate in your dance troupe. Perhaps you need to make sure that you do spend some fun recreational time with him each weekend in addition to the time you spend without him?
There are several books you can find on Amazon.com or perhaps in your local library which may be helpful. Search on "Erectile Dysfunction". One is:
Coping With Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex by Michael E., Ph.D. Metz, Barry W., Ph.D. McCarthy (Paperback)
best, Doglover
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
