I am finding myself in a really big quandry. I so wanted to talk to my H this past weekend and didn't. As alot of you know he has heart problems, has had bypass surgery and this weekend he found himself in pain, his leg, he says a blood clot and it has happened before but I put off talking to him because of that. I really don't want to hurt his feelings either, but I think that is something that has to happen.
Little bit of background here.......... He has ED problems and that is something he needs to look into, AGAIN. I am part of a dance troop and we are getting ready to perform for the first time this coming saturday so we have rehersal/class wed nights and on the weekend, usually sunday, but this past weekend it was changed to saturday night. H is a retired FF and now works at 2 nights a week at a nursing home and every other weekend.
Last weekend H was on his once a month horniness and he failed to finish. Long story but he blamed it on some lubricant of mine which has no anything in it. So sat I asked him if he wanted to finish what he started, he said yes. I ended up giving him a BJ but it took a really long time and he hardly got hard at all. Sunday I got up with the dogs and cleaned the house and did some laundry. It was really nice out, its been very hot and humid and we have not been able to put the coating on the back deck because of that. We had plans to meet some friends a half hour away for dinner that evening and he started bitching about always having something to do on the weekends. Well dang, he works every other weekend and doesn't do anything at all when he has to work except vege out before he leaves. Then he said "well after this saturday won't have to worry about your dancing anymore" I was like, what??????????? I discussed being part of this troop way long time ago and the committment it would mean and he had no problem with it then. I think what it all boils down to is that he wants me to make my weekends free totally on the weekends he doesn't work. This is exactly why I end up going out with friends without him. He wants to stay home all the time.
Now to the other part. I have absoutely NO desire to be with him sexually. I have tried and tried to just be happy with what I have, but I can tell you sex once a month and every single time is exactly the same gets real boring. This is how it goes.......... He starts out about 1 minute of foreplay, no real passionate kissing, he does about 3 minutes of oral, all the while not exactly acting like he is enjoying it at all, then gets out the toy. Its exactly the same all the time. I have tried to get him to do something different, have suggested things, but he does not listen. AND,............ I want real sex. He doesn't even get hard enough to penetrate. I want a warm body, someone who "wants" to be ML to me. Sometimes I think I should be happy with the once a month dildo delight, but somehow I just can't seem to get to that point.
Ok rant is over. I don't know what to say to this man that I care about but an loosing passion and love for every minute.
so we have rehersal/class wed nights and on the weekend, usually sunday, but this past weekend it was changed to saturday night. H is a retired FF and now works at 2 nights a week at a nursing home and every other weekend. 