Part of me wants to stay light for the kids but another part says he needs to step up in the dad role now.

I am also rather conflicted in that sense... I mean one part of me wants to keep him informed about the kids' development and the other of me is like saying "if he wants to be a real father, he should call them himself, he should do this, and that etc. Why should I do all this so that he can pretend to be a father? Blah blah blah ". But I guessed the answer (if we are to DBING to get a solution to our sitch) is to do all the hard work, i.e. to help provide the LIGHT on the kids. (I know I am blabbering...sorry)

you are giving H 5 months

This has bits of astrology and also logic in it.

Astrology Explanation: Actually am not really into all the Chinese Astrology stuff, but when my sitch happened, my boss (who knows about all these stuff) looked into our birth charts. And for H, this year (year of the Rooster), there is an external SPOUSE STAR that is trying to enter his spouse palace (which is of course already taken my me... ). As this "external SPOUSE STAR" would no longer be around next year (Year of the dog), the problem wil cease to exist.. (I know..sounds like a lot of hocus-pocus). Chinese New Year would be in Feb...works out to be 5 months from now. Also, I've checked some general Astrology websites....also mentioned that H would have "abit of drama in love relationships, and also would not be able to think straight" If you are interested, check out www.dragon-gate.com under chinese astrology. Back to the reading by my boss. When he looked at my birth chart..he sees "harmony in my spouse palace", i.e. it is UP TO ME to help to tide this problem over. He said "normally, if there is a bad clash shown on my chart, then marriage is difficult to save...". (I know some of you are gawking and laughing your @ss off...but it sort of gives me some hope, and some motivation to keep DBING)

Okay the logic explanation: H would then have left to live in Country X for 5 months already. We would have lived apart for five months with minimal contact.... It would be logical to really START OVER...without wondering everyday if H is coming back. That would be a new chapter in my life... But then, I don't think that I would file. He would have to do all the hard work. I just have to really live my life as if there is no longer a H. I know lots of ppl said that I should file if I want to start over...but why should I do all the hard work? It's not that I am in a hurry to marry another. As long as I can detach, and be strong in my mind then that H would no longer be part of my life, filing or not-filing doesn't really make a difference to me. It's OW who would want H to file..if she wants to jump on the marriage wagon...let her and H do all the hard work....

Anyway, From my last post, H replied to my email with "why so formal? How is everything". Sent him another email ...told him that I was not being formal. Just having manners. And then shed some LIGHT on the boys' recent activities.

One Day at a TIME!!!!