I love the mysterious Countries X and Y. Now just add Z to the mix!
Anyway, I just wanted to drop in and tell you that you are doing great. I did want to ask you though. Do you find it easier now that all contact with H is via phone or e-mail? I myself find I do better with H over the phone. When I see him I want so badly to do the things we used to and hold his hand and kiss him - all things I can't do now. I was just curious if you are finding DB and GAL easier to do long distance than in person. (Not that it is easy no matter what the circumstances!!!)
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Quote: SO, instead of H speaking to his sons, he spoke to my friend's son. LOL....
That cracks me up!
He is missing you. Who got the test email? Not OW. You did. Wow, 2 years rent in advance. They must like people to be organised. I wish I could send my WAH off to country X. I'm sure it would be easier, plus he wouldn't see me rolling my eyes on the phone when I listen/validate his waffle. Keep up the great work
Windy - Don't worry. Country Z will be thrown into the mix one of these days. Yes, I do find it easier that our contact is via phone. As per Kismet - he can't see me rolling my eyes when I am talking on the phone. And because it's expensive, our convo has been limited and had not venture to "sensitive" topics, so it has been light and friendly. Plus as for phone texts...I could re-read and edit out any sarcasm. So, no backsliding there. Also, I feel that I don't have to "pretend" to be doing my own stuff when H is around. The only problem is when H comes back to visit the boys. I will have to work on detaching and have no negative emotions. H has said that he will want to stay in the hotel. So, I will have to STILL upbeat when he tells me he is staying at the hotel. I can't force him to do stuff that he doesn't want to, can I?
Kismet - I am sure OW got a test email message too. I don't think for a minute that they have totally stop communication. I know that I should act as-if, but I am also quite a realist. So, until I see concrete changes on H's part, I am not getting any hopes up.
By the way, had a meeting with the GM today. I will probably have to go to Country X either next week or the following week. For a moment, he actually suggested tmrw . Don't think that I will tell H. Let him ask me where I am when the time comes So far, have not heard from H today. It's fine....I've got stuff to do at work anyway.
Hi Yoyo. Don't really have any advice at the moment but I think you are doing well with not contacting H, letting him contact you I'll check on you later.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
I think you are doing well with not contacting H, letting him contact you
Err...KDK - Didn't really keep to that too well to that. After my last post, H did send me a text, which I replied quite immediately. I should have let it sit for awhile rather than replying immediately. He didn't text back. H did call me on my mobile, which I missed (not intentionally though...), and he called me directly on my work phone. Spoke a bit. Told me that he may not be able to attend his sister's wedding on the 18th. I was and said something like "you are coming back this weekend for your friend's wedding but you are NOT gonna go to your own sister's?" to which replied that he has to be back this week to sort out his passport. He asked if the boys asked for him..and I was like "err..actually No". Felt really bad telling him the truth..maybe I should have lied? Then told him that I needed to go to Country X next week (14th to 16th) and he was quite blase about it. Anyway, we then ended our call. Later, I called him back (yes, I know I shouldn't) and said that "perhaps you could delay sorting out your passport by one week, and in that way, you could attend your sister's wedding instead". H replied that he'll check with the human resources department first. Kept the call real short..didn't linger (normally I would... ).
Later that night, felt kinda bad that boys didn't ask for their father...so, I called him on his cell. BUT..NO answer. Then send him a text to tell him "Tried calling you for boys to talk to you. Can't reach you. Nevermind". Two hours later, H called back and said that he left this cell in the hotel room, and why didn't I try to call him on the other cell?.. I then let the boys speak to him. And when the phone was passed back to me, I just gave a friendly BYE....
So far, I have held off asking him outright when he will be back. I don't want to bring it up. I WILL be patient to wait for him to tell me. Besides, he may not be staying at home anyway.
I have a question to all of you DBers... I know a lot of you have tried not to contact H and let them contact you...but I feel that I need to send him emails or texts to tell him about the boys. Is it okay? I sent him some pics of the boys yesterday (without pictures of me, of course)... I guessed it's okay to be DARK about myself but providing LIGHT when it comes to the boys? SOme feedback please...
Got a call on my mobile from H around 1 pm today. Was really noisy. Could barely hear him. He said that he had been trying to call me all morning, and it kept going to voice mail. Asked him if there was anything...he said no..just wanted to see where I was. When I looked at my texts...H had left two messages. One at about 10 am and another at 11.50 am. I sent him back a text apologising for missing those texts as I've been really busy at work. And as for the calls going to the voice mail, blamed it on bad reception. H texted back and said that he'll call the boys later. Not too bad a day.
Okay...my short-term Action orientated GOALS.. 1) H to make the FIRST daily contact 2) H to call at least ONCE a day. 3) H to tell me that he MISSES us. 4) H to ASK my opinion on his housing 5) H to talk a little bit about the FUTURE involving the family.
I guessed it's okay to be DARK about myself but providing LIGHT when it comes to the boys?
I think that's a good idea. This will make H still feel like he's still involved with the family and on the other hand will have thoughts about what Yoyo is doing I know it's hard trying to not contact H but if this is what you are wanting to do it will get easier as the days go by, trust me. Although, it sounds as if H is doing a lot of contacting you.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Yoyo, H sure is missing you. I am not sure on the contact thing. I think it is definately great to miss a few calls, delay replies to texts etc as you have a life. Maybe you could try getting the boys to call him, rather than you, and monitor what reaction you get. Especially if you are getting dressed to go out when he asks the kids what's Mum doing? It is a hard balance to strike, between having him know he is still a part of the family, but you are also moving on (with or without him)
KDK/Kismet - Thanks for your advice. Yes, I think that's what I'll do. Give him information about the boys (naughty antics of the day, that sort of stuff) but not tell him anything about me unless he asks. I'll do that for a few days and see how it comes along (Shucks...not doing very well of not telling him stuff about me, isn't it? ALready told him that I am going to Country X from the 14th to 16th without him asking...really have to stick to it)
Journalling... Last night, H texted "ALready in Country X. Nite Nite". I texted back "Seems rather early to be sleeping at 8.30 pm. Anyway, we just got back from Ikea". H then called. We chatted abit ...about some person visiting him in Country X, and he said that if this person offers him a job, he's gonna quit now. I was rolling my eyes the whole while..good that he can't see me do that. Then I passed the phone to the boys to talk to him.
This morning, he sent me and email with just two lines "Thanks for sending the photos. Cute boys...." I mean what kind of email is that? ANyway, I replied "You are welcome."...an even shorter one..
I guessed it's okay to be DARK about myself but providing LIGHT when it comes to the boys?
Yoyo -
I struggle with this too. I am not initiating contact at all. He calls the kids at least once a day and we usually talk about how they are doing. He asks how I am and I am as vague as possible. Part of me wants to stay light for the kids but another part says he needs to step up in the dad role now. He has only done it part time for a while now. Oh, the psychobabble in my head continues...
Hey, I saw on another post somewhere (maybe mine? can't think straight tonight!)that you are giving H 5 months. Can I ask why that amount of time? Just curious...
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
So, no backsliding there. Also, I feel that I don't have to "pretend" to be doing my own stuff when H is around. The only problem is when H comes back to visit the boys. I will have to work on detaching and have no negative emotions. H has said that he will want to stay in the hotel. So, I will have to STILL upbeat when he tells me he is staying at the hotel. I can't force him to do stuff that he doesn't want to, can I? 
. Don't think that I will tell H. Let him ask me where I am when the time comes 
So far, have not heard from H today. It's fine....I've got stuff to do at work anyway. 
I'll check on you later.