I will always wonder, if I had only given it a few more months.... I guessed I will have to wait a few months. H kept on saying "Give me a few months okay?" Perhaps I really really have to let him go to sort himself out. I kept on saying this, but yet kept on backsliding. *sigh*
but wants to blame me for moving it along Yes, I will have to let him do it in his own time. I don't want him to point his finger at me and said that I made him do it.
Things are not so good this weekend. We had friends over for dinner on Saturday night, and H was rather distant. I mean these were friends from way way back. He knew them before I did. After dinner, instead of chatting with them, he hid in his AV room and listening to music. Only came to join us when it was almost time for friends to leave. H came to the bedroom when I was getting ready for bed and said "I have a lunch appointment" really gruffly.
Next morning (Sunday), H took boys out for breakfast. Didn't join them. When he came home with the boys, I took them out for a movie and was back home by 3 pm. Got a text from H that said that he would join us for dinner. At dinner, he kept asking "what's wrong with you? Why are you so cold? Blah blah blah...Turned out to be quite a hushed shouting match at the restaurant. He actually looked at me and said "SHut the F&^K up!" in a hushed tone but you could see the anger in his face. S5 then interupted and I took him to get his hands washed. When I returned to the table, H was still going on and on. H: I thought I have something to come back to! Me: You do. H: No, I don't. Everytime things are getting better, you f%*Ked it up. Me: You asked me to shut up, and here you are going on. H then kept quiet.
We got home and as usual, kids glued to the PS2. I was in our home office filing up some papers. Then H came in and did the whole R talk, this time in a calmer mood. Can't remember the order but: H: It is not easy for me to leave this house. I am leaving soon and yet I havent' packed. You want to know why? Because it is difficult to do so. Blah blah blah. Just give me a few month. I will be alone there, okay? She won't be with me. Blah blah blah. Like you said, you will leave it to me to decide and if I want to do the legal stuff, I will do it and not you. Blah blah blah. I will call you everynight, ok? Blah blah blah. All this with me occasionally interjecting with "I am letting you go. I am tired of all this. It's your choice. It's your decision. I will sign the papers when you send them. You will ask her to join you. Blah blah blah" I was tearing and all. In between, H did pulled me up from the chair and hugged me. I didn't know how to hug him back. I wanted to but just couldnt. H then went up to spend some time with the boys at their PS2. I needed $$ for the mortgage, so when to get him. We went out to the bank and did have some small talk about Country X and all. Later, I got into bed and H came by to wished me good night and gave me a peck on my cheek and he went off to our home office to finish off some work.
This Morning (Monday), usual rush to work. Nothing much...but we exchanged a few smiles with regards to our boys.
