Still Yoyo-ing About #2 ....

[KimDownUnder]

Yoyo your H is showing positives so show some back. Make him realise he is leaving behind the best woman he could ever want. Be happy act "as if" and if it is true he is coming back every 2 weeks then it is like a business trip. Maybe when he next say "When we are seperated" you could say "I don't feel comfortable with that word when neither of us knows if it is true how about an indefinate break but still married. If he sees some interest from you re: your M maybe he will think different he seems to have given a lot of positives and maybe is scared you want to split, maybe this is him putting out the feelers. Don't want to steer you the wrong way but if you are subtle in your approach who knows....KDU

[kaydeekay]

Yoyo, don't really have any advice to give, just dropped by to see how things are going. I do agree with KDU to "act as if." Giving H the time and space will make him realize what he's missing....you and the boys.

Have a great time on your date!!

[yoyogirl]

Kim, KDK - Don't think that my H is "afraid" of me wanting to split now...perhaps it was my fault but I have told him that I will give him up till end-Jan to decide, then I WILL decide for him then. I know it's against DBING whereby the door is kinda ajar for a looong time. I figured for me, that by end-Jan, that would be 5 months of us living apart in two different countries. So, if we are patching up... he better ask us to more to Country X or if NOT, we better just call it quits and me to confront the brutal facts that my H does not want me anymore, and build my life as a single parent. I don't see how I can go on and on like an EVER-READY battery in this sitch. So, guessed I will try to DBING as much/as well as I can for the next 5 months and see what comes out.

Journalling..
Yes, we did have our date. In the car, he was b@tching about OW's dad's music system blah blah blah and how he can't stand him. He went on "I know you sure say that you don't want to hear, but...blah blah blah The fact that I am telling you all this, means we are okay". We went for a dinner in a neighbourhood eating place, and then went home to watch a movie. On the way home, he went on about "getting a new position for OW. Coworkers said that I am so forward in recommending OW for that new position. You see, the fact that I am trying to get her a better position means she won't follow me. Blah blah blah"

Half way through the movie, he said he will go into the office to pack up his stuff (at 10 pm at night? Sound's fishy don't you think?) He came back at about 1.30 am, and said..."Oh..just grabbing my wallet...going out for drinks" and only came back at 4.30 AM!!!!

Next morning (Saturday), I went for my yoga, had lunch with girlfriends and then went for my facial (part of my GAL?!??) and slept throughout my facial treatment. Was good!!! When I came home, H was watching telly and asked:
H: Why do you look so tired?
Me: Oh..because I just woke-up
H: (???) Huh? What do you mean?
Me: I slept. And I just woke up.
H: (???? Wondering if I have slept over in some man's place??) What do you mean? (Sounding a bit anxious...he he he)
Me: (Put his misery out) I went for my facial, and fell asleep.
H sounded relieved. Ha ha ha. Anyway, we did fool around for abit . I think it's still l@st and no love yet. But he is okay in kissing me.

Later, before I went out for my dinner with my coworkers (H was staying at home to babysit the boys), we had a short R talk. I had to say that I felt quite yucky after that. He was saying things that he will miss the house, blah blah blah...he will make a difficult decision soon as he does not want to prolong all this. Anyway, when I came back home, he was downstairs and was just getting some supper. We exchanged a few words about the cheese etc and said our goodnights.

The next morning, I woke up and took the boys out. H didn't go with us. Had no interest whatsoever. I went to get my MIL. Anyway, when we were on the way home, H called and asked where we were. When we got home, H was home. I saw that he had packed most of all his clothes...emptying his cupboards. For moment, a split second actually, I did feel a tinge of sadness but it disappeared quite quickly. I have to say. In my mind, I have visions of filling up the cupboards with my stuff already. I lay on my bed and rested (cause I took boys to a mini-theme park in the AM and sat on a twirly ride which I shouldn't and gave me a bad headache). H came into the rooms and we chatted.
H: What's wrong now?
Me: Nothing..headache from the ride.
Me: All these clothes...
H: Take the clothes as any other trips that I am taking away. blahb blah blah.. Are you gonna sleep here alone, or are you gonna have the boys sleep-in with you?
Me: Alone.
H: I'll call you everynight okay?
Me: Call me and OW one after another? (I know very NO NO. And acknowledging OW...against DBING. Have to stop this!!!)
H: Yeah...hey how about a 3 person conference call.
Me: Ha ha ha. Yeah right..since you gonna say the same thing to the two women...Again, I have to say...don't give me the crap about OW not wanting to split a family.
H: (Caressed my ) Stop nagging. Want to play?
Me: No. Is this your way or shutting me up? Anyway, I wasn't nagging. I am lecturing. (LOL)
I actually asked him very calmly if he did indeed go into the office on Friday night, and if she was with him on Saturday am ( I Know..NOT very ACT As-if ), then H said:
H:If I didn't go into the office, I will have a car accident and die afterwards when I go out.
Me: (Grinning) Does that mean that the boys and I will get $$$ from the insurance? How's the $$$$ insurance provided by your company? Still on or they've cancelled it since you are leaving?
H: Cancelled.
Me: (Still Grinning) Shucks! Then better not die yet. Wait till you start off at the new company first.
H: I am not gonna. I know for sure I went into the office that night.
H also asked me why did I say that he went out with OW on Sat am? I told him that I thought that it didn't seem like him to do those things that he did without telling me. He said that he DID tell me ...blah blah blah.
Then H said you wanna have s@x. I kept quiet. He said "I'm gonna go and shower and when I am out you should be ready". Well, I was still sleeping when he came out, and he did come over and initiate it. We did I went to bed after that..yup...lovey afternoon nap. Told H to get some food for MIL and the boys. When I woke up about 4 pm, H was about to go out. SO, he's out now... gonna have dinner with some coworkers (so he says.....)

I will probably not post till Wednesday. I am off to Country X (Yes..same one as H is moving to) for work tomorrow, and H has been bugging me to "check out the cost of living". Oh well...

Anyway, I think I'll be okay....abit sad but I WILL SURVIVE. One thing that I really really need to do is to STOP acknowledging the existence of OW!!!!

STOP acknowledging OW's Existence!
Zipping Up My Mouth!!!

[kismet]

yoyogirl, you seem to be handling this really well. I don't know if I could cope so well with all the times WAH brings up OW. Do you think it is easier if they are open about it? Mine never mentions her at all (which has its own pros/cons).
I can see a lot of positives in your situation. Maybe the time away from you, will give WAH a dose of clarity.

Hang in there

[yoyogirl]

Kismet - I hope that the positives will continue to come. As for him mentioning OW and his family, according to deb (on piecing), she says that for her sitch plus a lot of those that she has seen, when the A is on the verge of breaking up/dissolving, the WAS will talk quite a lot about OW. I hope this is true. My H never ever mentioned about OW before. I've not even know this person existed. I mean I've known quite a lot of ppl from his workplace but never once he mentioned OW's name. As per deb, WAS needs to slowly work out breaking up OW in his mind...I don't know hope it is true that this is happening. My H said that he broke up with OW half a dozen times ??? But was never successful.

Journalling..
Last night, I was packing for my work trip away and wanted a travel-sized toothpaste. I had run out and rummaged through H's toiletries bag. Guessed what I found? A tampon (that's not my brand!)! I immediately texted H and said "Mmmm Guessed what I found in your toiletries bag. A tampon! That's not my brand! Mmmm What does that mean? Mmmm"
He didn't reply my text. Also texted him (this was before I found the tampon) that I will be sleeping with S5 again as he's got a fever again. No reply on this one too.

Later that night, H came into S5's room and tried to "explain" about the tampon.
H: She was travelling with me on the plane and just asked me to store it for her.
Me: (Quiet)
H: There's nothing okay?
Me: Why are you explaining yourself to me?
H: I am not explaining myself. I am telling you.
Me: You don't have to. It's nothing. Afterall, you are gonna leave me for her.
H: Who says I am leaving you for her? Besides, what's the big deal? I've got loads of it in my briefcase.
Me: Huh? My god!
H: Yeah! Sometimes we go for lunch, and she doesn't carry a bag and ask me to carry it for her, and I stuff them in my pocket, and later just chuck it into my briefcase.
(Is my H that THICK????)
Me: I don't believe it. You don't see me asking my coworker to carry my tampons. It's just sooo not it.
H: Well, you don't have anything going on with your coworker.
Me: Maybe I should!
H: I don't see what's the big deal. I've bought you sanitary napkins.
Me: Yeah...anyway, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to fight.
H: I still don't see what's the big deal.
Me: I can bring up three women and you can ask them if it's a big deal.
H: Why are we talking about this? I am telling you there is nothing. Even if I tell you that I havent' had s@x with her, you wouldn't believe right? Anyway, FYI she is not pregnant.
Blah blah blah... discussion proceeded to him talking about OW's father again. About their funny house. Then we talked about my MIL... Then I said something about Prada paperbag in the other room.And he said "If you really want to know, she bought a Prada wallet for me for my birthday. You are right, I wouldn't go into a shop and buy one myself." And I answered that "I am sorry...but I will never ever walk into one of those shops and spend that kind of money". I can't really remember but one part:
Me: I just have to find a man who loves me.
H: I love you.
Me: (Quiet)
H: Believe me. I love you. 18 years...Of course I love you.

Oh well...There were other parts of our convo, I did the NO No again..called OW a "low life". He didn't scold me or anything. Just rolled his eyes...(I guessed this is a baby step? Before, he would have defended her like h@ll)
H: I brought her mom over to our house to see our kitchen.
Me: You bring low lifes to our house?
H: Her mother. Not her.
Me: Same thing. She brought her up with low values. So, the mother is also low life. How could you? My home is my santuary and you bring low lifes into our home.
H: Told you, she didn't come.
Me: (Tearing and all)
H: I was just joking. Nobody came. I was supposed to bring her but was too busy. I just want to see your reaction.
(DONT't You think my H is an @sshole? Biggest @sshole of the year!!!)

I really really have to adhere to DBING.

1) Absolutely NO R Talks!
2) Absolutely do NOT mention OW!
3) ZIP UP! ZIP UP!

One Day at a Time!!

[KimDownUnder]

YoYo - I don't know what to say to you. Your H seems to get some stupid pleasure in hurting you by mentioning OW all the time. It's like he knows it upsets you so he does it anyway. I am sorry I just don't get it. He is more of a Yoyo than you are. I love you in one breath and then OW bought me a wallet.....WTF.....You are doing very well to put up with all this, I think when H moves to other Country it will be a good thing for both of you as you can get your head straight and so can he....Hang in there....KDU

[kaydeekay]

Yoyo...I can't believe H is trying to get a reaction out of you knowing that the A is very upsetting to you. He talks about the OW to you like they are married and he's complaining about their sitch. I can't beleive the stories he's telling you about her tampons! I don't think most H would carry their own W's tampons for them, let alone a co-worker. That just pi@@ed me off when he told you he brought OW's mother into your home, even though he was just joking that's something he shouldn't really joke about. And, for him to even consider bringing the wh*re's mother to your house is unbelievable!!

I'm sorry for being so mad at your H, but I just put myself in your sitch and got angry It just amazes me how little the WAS considers the LBS feelings.

[hellkat]

yoyo - your H seems to be really downplaying this thing with OW and 'nothing' going on. You've already said you dont believe him, and the whole tampon thing............does he really think your that stupid!! I know you WANT to believe him so I'm just going to go with the obvious and say - follow your gut on this one.

[yoyogirl]

KDK/hellkat/Kim - Thanks for dropping by and be a shoulder for me to lean on. I don't want to believe or not believe him. At that time, tears did flow freely. But when I am alone, I don't really want to think/dwell on it. It's not gonna do me any good. I think a lot of things are beyond my control (with regards to H). I can't stop him from saying all those things. I just have to NOT let it affect me too much. I guessed I have to follow the saying "Do not believe 100% of what you hear, and only 50% of what you see" and let his voice whooosh pass me and not have any processing done in my brain!... Yeah...I agree that he is an @ss. My mom is up in arms. Maybe I shouldn't tell her too much, otherwise she will launch into her protective mommy gear and get defensive in front of H... Oh..well, less than one week before H leaves for Country X.

By the way, I just got back from Country X last night (Tuesday). H called me a few times on Monday. 1st, to check if've I'm at the airport. I texted him to tell him that I've arrived. He called me later, twice. Nothing much, just asking me how Country X is etc etc and other small talk. On Tuesday, he called me in the morning to tell me about his car etc, and later just after the flight touch down. Called me again at about 9.30 pm and asked how was everything and that he's gonna play futsal tmrw and okay, he's gonna go continue with his drinking. He came back kinda late and we didn't talk at all. This morning, he was rushing to work. So, not much talk either. Boys was very cheery ...going with "Bye dad! Bye dad!" Over and over again as he was getting into the car. Hopefully, that will make him think what sweet kids he has and he owe it to them to give them a proper home!

Basically, he has been calling more these two days that I was away. Don't know about today....we'll see. I will avoid contacting him.

P/S You know...my H kept on saying that "You don't believe I haven't had s@x with her?" blah blah blah.. Somehow, my head/logic/common sense says don't believe him. And yet...something inside me tells me it may be true.. Oh well. Not gonna dwell or think about it!!!

One Day at a Time!!
Stop Mentioning/Talking about OW!
Zipping UP my Mouth!

[kismet]

yoyo, well it seems as though H missed you. I agree it is so hard when they lie. I guess best just to let it wash over you. Mine is so pathetic at times, I feel like hugging him and saying "It's me, I know the truth, it's ok. Now cut the cr@p!". At a certain level, I think he lies to protect me. But then again, I overanalyse everything.
Maybe (now this is being a bit wicked) next time, H drops in something about OW, you could do a big yawn, then casually say "sorry, you were saying" and really downplay it. It would be hard to carry off, but worth it just to see the look on his face. A real 180.

Stay strong