Sophie/KDK ...Thanks for dropping by with your words of support and encouragement. I do feel better. I think I will compare the current going-ons with my mini goals and see if they were achieved. This makes my mind more focused and not wonder all over the place.
Journalling.. Last night, I was getting ready for bed and was gonna text H to tell him that S8 will be sleeping with him and I with S5(fever not broken yet). Before I finished the text, H called me, asked about S5 and told me that he had some drinks at the office and will be back.
Was in bed talking to S5 when H came into the room. He chatted to S5 primarily, telling him that he will be working in Country X and will come back every 2 weeks to see them...blah blah blah. He only spoke 2 or 3 sentences to me, and then left to pack his stuff (movers dropped some boxes over yesterday am). Both S5 and I knocked-off...
Later, I felt H's hand touched my arm. And he was crying.. H: You know...I was packing and I suddenly.. (pause) thinking of moving is one thing. Doing it is another. (crying) Me: (Quiet..) H: To think that I may never enter this house again...(crying...) if I get out of this alive...I (pause) Me: Of course you will get out of this alive. Blah blah blah... Me doing some philosophical talk blah blah blah... Me: Sort yourself out in Country X, OKay? H: I will. Me: One thing that I need from you...please don't WANT us because OW rejects you. I mean I dont want to be second choice. I don't want you to ask her to join you in Country X, and she refused, and then you come and ask us. H: You were never second choice. Me: I already am feeling like I am second choice. H: Believe me, you are not. I still love you okay? Give me some time to sort myself out. I feel that I could be coming back. (feeling more like his old self???) Blah blah blah...Before H left the room to continue with his packing he said "We'll be okay". I went on to say something sarcastic, and he jokingly said "B@tch!". Anyway, I proceeded to talk to him further in the TV room...as he was packing there. Talked abit about all sorts, OW, cooking books, "friend" in Country X, new job, bosses, cars etc etc.
Trying to check back on my mini-goals... okay, we are talking more (albeit on R and OW as well...), still not coming home early (he said "if you think that I am with OW when I tell you that I am working late, well you are wrong...) and have not initiate any intimacy yet...
Oh well...
One Day at a TIME!!! Keeping my feet firmly on the Ground... Patience! Patience! Patience! Be Happy! Be Cheeful! *Zip Up my Lips!!!* Stop talking TOOO much!
