Ok...H called me at work about 5.30 pm, to ask how S5 was. And also refered to my text to him this morning.. H: I saw your text this morning. Me: And? H: No... Me: No what. H: No. I have not had any arguments with her. As you put it ...about us being promising because of the arguments. We are still promising, okay? Me: Well..(smiling) the girls were just saying that.. H: No, okay. I will talk to you tonight. Me: Okay. Am in a meeting anyway...
So, is that a positive or not?
One Day at a TIME!! Keeping my feet firmly on the Ground.... Patience! Patience! Patience! Be Happy! Forgive! Stop the Anger...the Sadness...the negativities..
Dont know if it is a positive or not; since I've learned the hard way to believe very little of what WAS say and to look at more of their actions.
Now, your H calling you to ask how your S5 was, was to me a positive. As well, it is meeting one of your short term goals, i.e. having H communicate more with you. Keep focusing on your goals. It is quite difficult to know what is in the heads of the WAS. However, I truly wish with all my heart (and have all my fingers crossed for you) that your H means it when he says that you guys are still promising.
Sorry you are feeling down Yoyo...(((hugs))) I know DBing can get exhausting. Sometimes we just have to say what's on our mind to get our point across to WAS. I agree with Sophie, set mini goals for yourself and not worry so much about H (I know, easier said than done ).
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Sophie/KDK ...Thanks for dropping by with your words of support and encouragement. I do feel better. I think I will compare the current going-ons with my mini goals and see if they were achieved. This makes my mind more focused and not wonder all over the place.
Journalling.. Last night, I was getting ready for bed and was gonna text H to tell him that S8 will be sleeping with him and I with S5(fever not broken yet). Before I finished the text, H called me, asked about S5 and told me that he had some drinks at the office and will be back.
Was in bed talking to S5 when H came into the room. He chatted to S5 primarily, telling him that he will be working in Country X and will come back every 2 weeks to see them...blah blah blah. He only spoke 2 or 3 sentences to me, and then left to pack his stuff (movers dropped some boxes over yesterday am). Both S5 and I knocked-off...
Later, I felt H's hand touched my arm. And he was crying.. H: You know...I was packing and I suddenly.. (pause) thinking of moving is one thing. Doing it is another. (crying) Me: (Quiet..) H: To think that I may never enter this house again...(crying...) if I get out of this alive...I (pause) Me: Of course you will get out of this alive. Blah blah blah... Me doing some philosophical talk blah blah blah... Me: Sort yourself out in Country X, OKay? H: I will. Me: One thing that I need from you...please don't WANT us because OW rejects you. I mean I dont want to be second choice. I don't want you to ask her to join you in Country X, and she refused, and then you come and ask us. H: You were never second choice. Me: I already am feeling like I am second choice. H: Believe me, you are not. I still love you okay? Give me some time to sort myself out. I feel that I could be coming back. (feeling more like his old self???) Blah blah blah...Before H left the room to continue with his packing he said "We'll be okay". I went on to say something sarcastic, and he jokingly said "B@tch!". Anyway, I proceeded to talk to him further in the TV room...as he was packing there. Talked abit about all sorts, OW, cooking books, "friend" in Country X, new job, bosses, cars etc etc.
Trying to check back on my mini-goals... okay, we are talking more (albeit on R and OW as well...), still not coming home early (he said "if you think that I am with OW when I tell you that I am working late, well you are wrong...) and have not initiate any intimacy yet...
Oh well...
One Day at a TIME!!! Keeping my feet firmly on the Ground... Patience! Patience! Patience! Be Happy! Be Cheeful! *Zip Up my Lips!!!* Stop talking TOOO much!
Nothing much happened. ..H called me around noon at work to ask about S5's fever, and again in the evening. At about 7.30 pm, he called again (I was having dinner at my parent's) and he asked if I was coming home soon, as he wanted to go to the AV shop to look at the music system. Me: Go ahead. Don't have to wait for us to get home. H: Don't you want to go as well? I'll wait for you to get home Me: Don't think we'll be home soon. Just started on dinner. Besides your mom is here. H: Oh...tell her that I will have lunch with her either tmrw or day after.. Me: Okay. See ya.
Later that night, he came into the bathroom while I was showering and asked me about the AV system again. I kept quiet..and he answered "WHat? Not your place to say is it?" Me: Well... you know, if I were to say anything, it would be that you shouldn't get it...
Was tired, and went to bed. Slept with S5 again. H came up sometime after I've fallen asleep, asked about S5 and then gave me a peck on my cheek and wished me good night.
This morning...nothing much happened.. got ready for work and said our goodbyes. No lovey dovey or anything remotely there...
One Day at a Time!!! Keeping my feet firmly on the ground! Patience! Patience! Patience! Be calm. Be Happy. Be Cheerful. Zipping up the LIps... No anger...No negativities...
Hey Yoyo sorry your feeling like you aren't doing that well at the moment but could it be that H is getting closer to going to Country X and you are getting anxious and nervous and therefore not coping as well. You really have had alot of positive signs for R over last 2 weeks but you are only seeing the down side of it all. ((((())))) to you YoYo and try to enjoy H before he goes away, give him something to miss....KDU
Anna/ Kim - H leaves in about 2 weeks...end of the month. He told S8 that he will come back every 2 weeks to see them, and they can stay with him in the hotel ...I guessed I just don't know how to ACT in front of H with his impending departure sooooo close. H is considering this move to Country X as a "Trial Separation" with me. *sigh*...
Anyway, we IMed abit this morning, and have set another date for tomorrow night. He said "Okay...Getting drunk again!". Well, again, it was me who asked him, and not the other way round. I don't think that it looked that I was pursuing... H also mentioned that he will be having drinks with some guy pals of his tonight, and that he will babysit the boys on Saturday PM. He cited that he's "got something on in the morning". Wonder what he has on??? Not telling me..so, perhaps with OW?
Yoyo, what a tough time. Now in theory I guess around H you should be acting "as if".. "as if", everything is just fine and he is just going away on a business trip. I know easier said than done. And please stop thinking about what he may or may not be doing. You will do your head in.(now if only I could practice what I preach ). Hope your date goes well
Kismet...yes, I think no point in spending any energy to wonder what H will or will not do. Regardless of what I think, he is going to do what he likes, anyway...
Journalling... H came back about 10.30 pm. I was in bed reading. Then asked me for a few dollars and went out to get a burger. He came back about 15 minutes, then took my book away and said "Make sure you are nice and #@$ when I come out from the shower" and needless to say, we did have s@x and I have to say it was good ! We were washing-up after and he was still commenting about our session and then said "does that mean that we can still do it when we are separated?" I just kept quiet and didn't answer. Figured that silence is better than saying anything that agrees or disagrees with his statement. We said our goodnights and I went to bed. H asked why I was so tired. Told him that I had a hard day at work. THen he left the room. BUt within a few minutes, he returned and we had a very very short chat. He said that he needed to buy some home appliances this weekend to be shipped to Country X etc etc.
Next morning, H came down to send us (boys and I) off. He hasn't done this for awhile. IMed him a while back, and our date is still on.
One Day at a TIME!!! Keeping my feet firmly on the Ground... Patience! Patience! Patience! No anger...No negativities... Be Happy. Be Cheerful. ACT As-if ZIPPING UP my MOUTH!
Keep focusing on your goals. It is quite difficult to know what is in the heads of the WAS. However, I truly wish with all my heart (and have all my fingers crossed for you) that your H means it when he says that you guys are still promising.
). 
...I guessed I just don't know how to ACT in front of H with his impending departure sooooo close. H is considering this move to Country X as a "Trial Separation" with me. *sigh*... 
and needless to say, we did have