Kim - I hear you. I guessed many times, I am the one who ASSumed things are gonna be bad and then expect it to be bad. Or expecting more when I already have some positives. It's like 2 months ago, he was angry, angry, angry. And now, he's like more open to communication and calm; and yet I am expecting him to be fully-commited, which he is not ready. I do realise that these things need time. And I really really have to be contented with the baby steps that I see. Why can't I just compare with 2 months ago when he was so adamant that he wanted to leave? And that she is sooo great? Think I will re-read DR tonight to get my act together, be contented with the baby steps, continue with DBING, hope and pray for the best.
Journalling.. Last night, H came back when I was already in bed. H leaned over me and asked if I was ok. And said "maybe I'll bring the boys to the beach for the school holidays. You coming along?" I kept quiet, and then he went off to have his shower.
Later... I sort of asked him a question about him leaving for country X and when the movers are coming. We talked abit about all sorts and then H started talking about OW. H: To be honest. These last 2-3 weeks, was the first time that I started comparing you with OW. I find that there are alot of things not compatible. I had an argument with her few days back. It was something about style and taste. Told you she bought a house, right? I told her about the type of kitchen that I liked. And she said "Not nice!". I was pretty insulted and started scolding her. And then there were the curtains. She wanted to put up day curtains on wooden rails and I told her not right. And she argued with me. I mean, you and my taste are more in line. You are right...the last 8,9 10 months whatever..maybe the honeymoon time. And now, honeymoon is over and reality is setting in. That is why I am thinking more about her and I, and how incompatible we are. So, philosophically, you were right. You are always right. Blah blah blah. H: I love her, but we are incompatible. That's why I say this move to Country X is good for me. To think. I also love you. It's not that I don't love you. I know I'll crawl back to you eventually. And I need to do it before we head to the D courts. So, this move to Country X is good for me. Blah blah blah.. We did ML and continued to talk after that. He made fun of me, and then asked what will you do? When I move to Country X? Are you gonna use a toy? Blah blah blah. We talked abit about the big D? Which is not yet in the cards. More of a separation if things don't work out....separation of 2 years??
H: I feel like it's a good start. Me being more open, talking to you about OW blah blah blah. I don't know about you. But I feel it's good that I am talking to you about this.
Anyway, I hugged him and playfully said "Hey, it's me, okay...not her" (This was to refer to one time few months back when I hugged him and he thought I was her and said ILY) and I LOL. He said "B!tch" in a playful way and then said "You mean I told you that?". Me: Yeap! Stupid. Don't you think? H: Yeap! Quite stupid...I have to say.
It was kinda late ...2.30 am and we went to bed. I gave him a peck on his cheek. Last night was okay I guessed. BABY STEPS!!! I have to compare with 2 months back and not my goals...to see the improvements.
But this morning...he was kinda grouchy. WOnder if its because of insufficient sleep? Sent him an email...asking him a few things about boys and all. No reply yet....
and continued to talk after that. He made fun of me, and then asked what will you do? When I move to Country X? Are you gonna use a toy? Blah blah blah. 
