Journalling...

Nope, didn't get to acknowledge his little help of picking S5 up. H dropped S5 and then was off again, saying that he is getting his car fixed (to be ready for sale) with his friend and will meet us later at the party. We (S8,S5 and I) went to S8's friend's birthday party. H took longer than expected to arrive, and everyone was starting to wonder where he was. When he came, he spent more time smoking outside then sitting inside with his friends. But he did eventually get into the convo, and the big boys planned for a poker game later in the night. H left the party earlier and said that he was going home to shower and watch the telly. We got home not long after that.

H was already sitting comfortably in the TV room, and I mentioned to him that S8 has been complaining about H not playing with him as promised and suggested to H that he should. H said "Oh..I was gonna ask you to join me for a movie". I told H that he should see to his son's needs first, which he did. I was watching the telly myself when H came into our room and was asking all sorts of questions about recipes. Yup...recipes..cause he is planning to cook for himself when he is living alone. This went on for awhile. Then it was time to put the boys to bed which I did. When I came down....H initiated and we ended up ML but immediately after, he washed up and got ready to go out for the poker game at the friend's. H asked me for some money, which I gave and jokingly said "if you lose, you need to repay the loan. But if you win, we split the winnings" and H said "No such thing". Anyway, he came back about 1.30 am...and I asked "who won". He said "I and B. I've put in the $ in your wallet". And went to bed..

Next morning, i.e. today. I had to tell H what I thought about us.
Me: I need to talk. Don't worry. It'll be short. H, you know that I used to say that I can be in a loveless M as long as the boys have a father?
H: You mean now it's changed?
Me: yeah..I've been thinking, since now you are moving to Country X and you are not sure about us. You might or might not ask us along. Or you'll ask us along reluctantly. I want you to be sure of your decision because I don't want to move to a foreign country when there is NO us. I would be miserable and I think the boys will be in a worse position with a miserable mother there. It would be better for me and the boys to be here where I have support and a job. I want you to know that it would not be smooth sailing if you decide to recommit to our M. It will take a lot of hard work on your part. I will give you these few months to think about what you want. And at the end of this period, just let me know which direction you want to go. Okay. Done. Short right?
H: Okay.

I got up and changed and went to my computer. And here I am. H came in and out of the room looking for some of his computer peripherals and was wondering what I was doing. I had to switched to MSN horoscope a couple of times to avoid him seeing my typing in the BB and he did comment "Why are you looking at horoscope? WHy don't you find the cheat tips for the PS2 games for S8?" H came in again
H: Friend is selling his plasma tv for $$. Should we buy it?
Me: I don't need a TV.
H: I mean buy it, and then ship it to Country X.
Me: It's your call, isn't it? I don't need another TV here. Anyway, why is he selling?
H: The woman (his wife) doesn't want him to have it.
Me: Oh..
H: I am going in to work now (yeap..on a Sunday???). I am having lunch with a coworker (he mentioned another name. Not OW) and will be back after that. I will see you at home.
Me: OK

So.....to keep being sane. I will GAL and try to have a PMA while waiting for H's decision about us. Gotta go now...taking the boys out for breakfast and then bowling at the mall.

One Day at a Time