I typed out my this current post before reading glj/KDK's post...so, I'll paste it in first...
I made a typing mistake in my last post….the part that I mentioned about H and I having s@x and not ML. Well, what it should have said is that we have NOT reached the intimacy level of ML.
Don’t know if it’s the PMS working or what. I am feeling kinda down today. I am starting to feel emotional and all. Plus my stomach cramps are not helping either… I posted at glj’s thread yesterday that I shouldn’t/won’t want to ask H if he is really gonna recommit to the M.. But today, I am dying to ask that question. In my head, I know it is NOT a good move but I think at this point in time, my impatience is getting the better of me. No, I have not asked it. Am trying to control the urge to ask the question as it may be my PMS making me think of all the negatives. Can anybody share some thoughts about my sitch? Do you think it is really positives that I am seeing or I am delusional? Now, I am asking myself….”Is it true that things are looking up? Or am I just too blind to see? Is H going for that overseas posting because he wants to break-up from OW and start refocusing on the M? Or Is it that he wants to break-away from the family and have OW over with him?” I mean whilst he is over there, OW can fly over there and be with him over the weekends. Can someone on this board tell me….Is my PMS playing tricks on my mind, or are there really positives?
Last night, my home telephone bill came and I saw that H had called OW just before he left for his trip…the call lasted about 8 seconds. I guessed that may be the trigger that made my mood go whack. H came back from work about 8 pm. We had a short chat for about 10 minutes…about his resignation letter and about the coworker’s reactions. His immediate superior and the HR asked if it was because of “that” that he was leaving, and he answered no. And they asked him to reconsider his decision, and he said “You know me, once I made my decision, I won’t change it”. After that, H showered and went to the TV room. He slept in the guest room again. He was fumbling in our bedroom sometime in the middle of the night and I sort of heard him say “woke up from sleep”… I wonder..Is he sleeping in the guest room because he is still jetlagged and didn’t want to disturb me in the night? Or he just doesn’t want to be near me?
The next morning, i.e this morning H came into our bedroom and announced “Wakey! Wakey!” and then came to lie on our bed for like 10 seconds, and then jolted up to go wash-up for work.. He got dressed and then did come and give my b**bs some attention, and then said “Gotta go to work now! Bye!” and heard him tell the boys “go disturb mommy”…..and he was out of the door.
Well, I texted him after I washed up and just listed a few tasks that he needed to take care of…bills and such. No reply yet...
glj - My parents have not really said anything much about him. I mean no-one has been mean to him. But I guessed my sisters feel abit awkward...not nasty but just not as close and fun as before. Of course things won't be the same ever...
KDK - Thanks for reminding me about the part of "Patience, Patience, Patience" As you can see in my post above, my PMS is wearing my patience... My head tells me to be patient and just to see and enjoy the positives..but my "wall" of emotions wants to protect ME and to ensure that H is COMMITTED. I think I better get myself busy busy busy and try not to talk to H too much...to avoid from asking stupid questions or demanding stuff. I REALLY need to focus on the GOALS....SO, here it is.
1) Act AS-IF. 2) Do not let my PMS emotions overwhelm me. It will pass in a few days. 3) Keep BUSY (but what? Luckily I am going away on Thurs and Friday for a work trip....) 4) FOCUS on the BIG picture and not the petty details 5) Do not focus on the negatives. Do not be pessimistic 6) Keep calm. 7) Do not REACT!!!
Okay, now I am calm....(just this stupid cramp of mine is driving me nuts...Oh..when I told H about my cramps, he said "you are not pregnant, are you? I just answered "don't think so")
One Day at a Time Trying to Stay POSIITVE for ME!!!!
