I see you looking to rationalize a reason to stay in an unfulfilling R. So far, and yes I do know where you are coming from BTDT, choosing to stay in your sitch makes no sense. You think you are being kind to him, you're not. You think he's in happy camper land? That's for now. Eventually you are going to become so discontented in your sitch, it's going to become very apparant to your H and things are going to blow...it's merely a matter of time if you resign yourself to the role you are contemplating.
You've already stated...if you were out of the pic your H finds a substitute for you. No, maybe not you physically...but a substitute...this should be telling you something in a BIG way.
If you leave...he will move on and you can too.
Here's a question for you. You have lots of issues you admit you need to work on, and you are in an unhealthy (somewhat dysfunctional) R right now, how do you plan on dealing with your issues while in this sitch?
It also appears to me that you don't think YOU can do better, or deserve better. You do, EVERYONE deserves to be happy and right now I can tell you he will be happy...maybe not immediately, but he will move on and be happy and you can too. I can guarantee you you can find a fulfilling R, but you have to allow yourself to
Perhaps...just perhaps a separation is what you both need.
