Chrissy, I think you are putting the cart before the horse.
You are wanting to see depths of feelings and conviction of emotion in an R that is seriously damaged. I don't see that happening quite yet, kwim?
Yes your H felt closER to you last night after making love. But you are wanting the types of feelings that would come if he were feeling 100% satisfied within the relationship. That's not where you two are, these days. So take it easy..keep on with the resurrection and you will get there.
Perhaps you will say, But honeypot he was never like this. Well, maybe not..he was a young guy when you met him and they are not known for their depth and intelligence now are they. He *does* feel deeply for you but asking him to show it now, when things are rough, is only going to get you more of what you already experienced: disappointment at the lacklusterness of it all.
I know that I keep a strong damper on my desire and my conviction (good description!) because I know that it is not how my H wants me to show love. Therefore, I feel shy and awkward about letting it all hang out. That might be some of it, too.
Anyway, hang in there girl.
Oh! I just thought of something else... For me, the frequency makes a huge difference in how easily I can open up and get with it, conviction-wise. That is, if we ML on Monday I may be like: woo. If we do it on Tues and Wed too, then I'm getting to the Woo HOOO stage. My depth is really getting intense and I can show my conviction much more easily. The walls are coming down. If we do it on Thurs and Sat too, well, forget about it. Then I'm at WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and I hold nothing back. I let him see all of me.
So it's all tied up in the love bank and deposits and withdrawals and all that good stuff. I realize that this might depress you even more--sure hope not--but think about how lackluster you might be, if H were to suddenly want to have an intimate conversation with you. You probably wouldn't be melting quite yet, nor would you open up completely. Over the course of time, though, you may start to soften and let him see more of you.
