Re: Chrissy All are taboo. I gathered he did not like talking about past loves but all is strange.
My point about group is, once he hears others graduall tell theit tragic stories, yours might not be so painful for him. I don't know your H so maybe I am off base. I did see some of what I am suggesting, people opening up once they discovered other peoples problems.
It might be good if you went alone to a self-help group.
Lived in England... to talk about my experiences of when I was in the army Do you want to do on this forum? I am sure others would be interested. You might get some ideas so you could bring up some topics with H, but you know him.
Any thing does not revolve around him is not allowed. Not wanting to hear about your life pre M is out of the norm.
You already know how it will turn out if you endure, that's a dead-end road and you already know that. Try a different approach when telling your husband you need him to back off a bit. Let him know it's much easier for you to "miss him" and "want him" when he gives you the space to do so. You might try telling him to just try going 1 or 2 days without doing whatever behavior it is that annoys you...so you can show him that you don't forget about him if he doesn't do those things as much.
This can be done in a kind gentle manner...do it in a manner that says "hey honey! I want to prove something about myself to you...give me the opportunity to show you I mean what I'm saying." and then back it up.
I'm kind of battling with an annoying behavior of my H's as well....he has a horrible habit of constantly tickling me when he gets close to me...doesn't matter if it's a hug, a rub on my side with his hands....whatever, if his hands go anywhere near my sides I get this annoying poke with his fingers! I am not the friggin Pillsbury Doughboy! I've told him now (because I've told him gently etc) that everytime he does that to me now...I'm going to thump him on the forehead! LOL Right between the eyes LOL. Bet he stops tickling me (which I HATE) after 20-30 of those LOL.
Wanna bet that thumping him in the forehead will just make him want to tickle you more?
Sometimes us guys are thick - you might want to get one of those joke pens that deliver an electric shock when you depress the button on top, and just zap his arm that's tickling you. Two or three times of that, and he'll stop (or only tickle you when you are nude!).
I would imagine so! When I was installing my electric fenceline around my pasture, I touched the line while I was grounded. Yowza! 5,000 volts will discourage even the most crazed HDH from doing anything except sitting very still, rubbing the affected area! Tickling (and any other undesirable behavior) will come to a screeching halt.
That's too funny!!! I've been zapped a time or two by those electric fences too...as you said YOWZA!!!
I don't want to hurt the man....and I don't want to dissuade him from touching me...I'm all for that, I just want the jeuvenilish behavior that annoys me to stop....at least for the most part. Tickling every now and then is fun, but getting poked in the ribs or stomach everytime someone touches you gets quite annoying.
I'm trying to encourage him to touch me, even have given him ideas on how, where etc to touch me....even non-sexual touches....so he won't think I don't want him to touch me but everytime it leads to being poked in the sides....and not with the appendage I'd desire to be poked with.
Chrissy...sorry, I didn't intend to hijack your thread....we now return this thread to it's original programming!!!
Quote: You might try telling him to just try going 1 or 2 days without doing whatever behavior it is that annoys you...so you can show him that you don't forget about him if he doesn't do those things as much.
This is a very good point. He may feel that if he doesn't constantly remind you of his presence, you will forget about him. It would be interesting, too, to see how YOU feel if you can get him to experiment with backing off a little.
The strength that you have shown in just getting through your tumultous life is incredible. It's no mystery why bf2 has had such a hold on you. He filled in for a family that did not fulfill even your basic needs.
I can relate to much that you said about bf2. I had my own bf2. When it went south, I floundered for nearly two decades, thinking that I couldn't live without him. I would try to run into him as the town I live in is growing by leaps and bounds, but still has a fishbowl mentality of a small town. I destroyed more healthy relationships than I can count and got into more twisted ones than I like to admit. I thought that having this man back in my life would make everything ok, that if I could just talk God into making him come back to me and love me the way he did in the beginning. God kenw better. It took me until recently to realize that my exbf didn't have some magical power to make me feel complete, like everything is right with the world. That power lies within me. The great thing about this particular part of personal power is that everyone has access to it and there is nothing like it. No one can take it away. There is a part of everyone that is pure and untarnished by the experience of being human and walking around on this planet.
I'm pulling for you, Chrissy. You are in my daily prayers.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Just got home from 6 days with my family in Ohio. H is now telling me how terrible I treated him. But will not tell me how I treated him terrible. I did tell him he knew I was there to be with my family and visit with them. Need some advice on how to deal with this calmly. I see H every day of the year I see my family at most 15 days out of the year. This is the first time in a year I have seen them. I do not know how to make H understand that it is all about my family in the short time I get to see them not him. Why he cannot just realize this is beyond me.It seems like it should be common sense. arrgh I feel the under current building for a major war to break out and I would like to avoid it. But I am not sure how to and still stand my ground and not be pushed around. Any thoughts? Gotta a lot of threads to catch up on and housework to do lol Hope you all had a great week.
Instead of focusing on this past visit, you and H could discuss how things could be better for him on the next go-around. Myabe he would feel more secure if you both planned some couples time, if only a few hrs, just to reconnect. H and I have each felt abandoned by the other when around family...it's best to come up with a preventative plan.
