Thanks for that long narrative, Chrissy. I can't help but think that my story of the bag of rocks from the movie The Mission that I recounted in Z-Bube's thread applies to you. Cut the bag-- you've carried it long enough. Let the rocks fall.
What you have described is the life of a Human Being, a flawed, loving, seeking, struggling PERSON. These are human actions... you are not uniquely tainted or cursed. BUT if you are an enneagram 4, as I believe you are, it is hard to believe that you are not stained in some way that sets you apart. The 4 feels cut off from the Ground of Being, but that is an illusion, since NO ONE can truly be cut off. Your experiences may not be commonplace, but you are not immersed in evil... I think you should change the interpretation of "B.E.B" to "Being Every Body," which is what you have described... a life that could belong to any human. Read the great myths of humanity-- the Greek myths, the Bible, Indian, Norse, the myths of other lands and cultures. What you have lived is what those people lived, too. You are not cut off; you are One of Us.
Where does your current H fit into this narrative?
