No he never was that man. He was 19 when I met him I guess I thought he would mature into that man. Though he had never had alot of life experiences I thought it do to age not lack of desire to have them. My H is almost exactly as he was 15 years ago when I met him. He has lacked self growth over the years. And I find I am not as interested in the same things I was 15 years ago.
And though I have not really been trying to change him. I have been waitting for him to change. And admit I feel disappointed at times because it never happens.
Would you want him to approach you and change so many fundamental things about you?. He already has and by my own fault I allowed it.
If you H is basically the same man he was....then who are your really disappointed in him....or you? Myself no doubt in the largest part. I am disappointed that I believed that people grow and evolve and change and that I did not look past this 24 year old idealism to the 40 year old reality that not all people do this. And that my H would be one of those people. I am disappointed in myself for not seeing and realizing that by doing things because I was capable and knowledgable or darring enough to do what he was not that I would always be the one to do them. I am disappointed that at 24 I did not realize I would not only be this persons mate I would also be make shift mamma for life. I am disappointed in myself that in my 24 idealism I could not see that I would be so unsatisfied in life and myself later. So yes I am more disappointed in myself then him.
I have to accept he is not who I thought he would be as he grew as a person. And that was what I was saying I have to accept it and stop waitting for that more mature individual to creep out of the shadows. But how do you stop wanting it. I watch my kids as they change they have developed from infant who needs all the time to toddler who starts being independent of parent. To youth who developes personality and interest. To young adult who develope beliefs and wants. I listen to there dreams from being police officer to professional skater. And I admire there desire to become and do things even if it is just a long winded never gonna happen a year from now you will be interested in something else type deal. I admire there desire to live and experience. My H does not do this he never has he has no desire to do or experience he does not dream dreams he tags along with others.I have to accept that.But how do I become satisfied with that when it means any dreams I have and wants I have for a partner to share dreams with and experience with and make plans for those dreams and experiences and the joy of it are never going to become real
