Let me ask you this....was your H ever the type of man you described your ideal H to be? You have said he's not this man and never will be....so why have you been trying to make him into something he's not?
There are aspects of my H I have glimpsed that I am trying to draw-out, but I don't want to change who he is. The things you described brought to mind a vision of keeping your H's body...but substituting someone completely different on the inside. I may be way off...that's just what it made me think of.
If, and I do say if, you have been attempting to change him that totally...you're right, your fighting a losing battle. Would you want him to approach you and change so many fundamental things about you? If he attempted to do that...would you feel that he was happy with you as the person you are? If you have been attempting to do this complete personality makeover on your H...you could have been contributing to your own problems by doing so. People will resist this type of a makeover....especially if it's not who they are at their core.
Think back....what was your H like when you married him. Has he changed that much? For that matter have you changed from what you were like? Start from there to begin to see where you need to really start working on your R. If you H is basically the same man he was....then who are your really disappointed in him....or you?
Not picking on you at all here....just pointing out some things for you to think about.
