Chrissy, Why are you worried about what his perception of the R is? Aren't you guilty of doing the same thing he does (wanting to possess you) if you want him to think a certain way or be concerned with the same things you are, in the relationship?
I guess what I'm saying is that your situation has had a dramatic turnaround in the last couple weeks. I mean, it's really stunning! But you are running the risk of sabotaging it (and I know self-sabotage, unfortunately) by focusing on the fact that his answer was not what you expected.
Here is something else for ya:
My H used to be jealous and possessive, though not to the extent that yours is. He finally chilled, thank God.
He also makes me the center of his world and his happiness, even though he is not possessive any more. You're right, it IS stifling at times to know that everything in his day hinges on me and my moods and feelings. The more I read on this bb, the more I think this is a husband thing and not a possessive thing. Lots of husbands here are wife-pleasers to the extent that their happiness depends on hers. I'm not sayin it's healthy, I'm saying it's common.
So perhaps this is being chalked up to his controlling nature, when really it's just a normal everyday husband-wife thing.
And I don't mean at ALL that it shouldn't change, it should, but that it might seem a little more do-able if you reframe it to think, Hey lots of husbands hinge everything on their wives and we will just have to work through this.
Can you separate these two issues? The controlling nature and his being fused with you?
Just a suggestion. I don't know if it will help or not.
Congrats on all your progress. It all looks good from afar. Keep on with that resurrection; it's exciting to watch.
