I think you just answered the question as to whether your wife has enough time to go to counselling for your situation - the answer is yes. From what you say, she does not want to address the situation, at least at this time. It is quite possible that your wife truly has no sex drive. Perhaps in her mind, there is no upside to going to a counsellor because it will confirm that: (a) in some way she is "inadequate" as a wife and (b) She really doesn't have the desire to rekindle her sex drive at this time, she is quite happy without sex - by going to counselling it will put additional pressure on her to do something that she really isn't interested in.
Your wife appears to have a sympathetic ear to a club member who was having an affair with some other married guy - I wonder how sympathetic she would be if this woman had the affair with you as part of your search for some romantic connection that is otherwise absent in your married life?
Gremlin - I have not really seen any tried and true formulas for success when one spouse totally looses his/her sex drive and doesn't have the ability to focus on the effect of this situation on the spouse. It is very curious that it seems possible for the ND spouse to intellectually understand that affairs and marriage break ups are generally common in this situation but it just doesn't somehow relate to them.
Apart from having an affair or visiting the local cat house frequently (neither of which really address what we really want which is to have a long term committed physical and emotional connection with someone), I suppose the only other solution after all else has failed is to provide an ultimatum to the wife and really mean it - ie "regain some form of interest in intimacy or loose me". Obviously, this is a last resort, and you do not appear to be anywhere near this point. Anyway, best of luck - I know I continue to struggle with this situation every day.
