Quote: Yesterday was my birthday, and we went out to a nice dinner, came home & had some cake. I knew better than to even ask about sex. While I was blowing out the candles, W commented that I needed to "make a different wish". Seemed like a pretty clear indication not to pursue the issue.
Her health has been troublesome lately, which hasn't helped the situation at all, and she's taken a new job that demands a lot more from her. So at present, I'm not very hopeful about the situation improving - which I guess was why I asked how some other HDHs handle going without.
Gremlin, when NOP began the process of bringing our sexual issues to a head, we reached a point where our daily life became doing the necessities, but we stopped any semblance of happy events.
My heart goes out to men caught in this situation, because the courts are so stacked against dads when it comes to custody. I know many of you hang in there, because of your children.
There was no way to ignore that our lives as we had known them were not going to continue indefinitely.
At some point, in longer-term marriages, I think the spouse must take a stand and withdraw from the activities that give off the aura of "everything is fine with us". That doesn't mean pitching fits or avoiding things that can hurt the kids or choosing to ignore household chores and responsibilities. I'm thinking of all the things you might currently be doing that are personal for your spouse - back rubs, foot rubs, acquiscing to their choice on tv/movie viewing if it's not something you want to watch, flowers & candy, bringing home their favorite ice cream, taking them out to dinner, planning for or attending parties.
Your wife managed to get a verbal dig into you. She made a great offensive move and stopped you before you even left the line of scrimmage. What if you just let your birthday past and chose not to go out to dinner? Chose not to come home and blow out candles and eat birthday cake? This can't be done from a "now you'll see what it's like" place of revenge - but from a place of "I am no longer willing to pretend that I am happy or content, and this is something that I am serious enough about that it will impact my daily actions in marital participation.
