You commented as follows regarding the absence of sex in your life - "trying to imagine that continuing for 10 more years scares me to death".
On the surface it appears that you are in the same rudderless, powerless boat as me. I have found in this regard that it is very difficult to change your circumstance after a period of time. I know in my case I thought that being patient for a while would be the best course of action - try and be supportive and understanding and she would "come around".
I found that after a year or so of being supportive, that any mention of the topic resulted in extreme backlash. This resulted in more time spent in our non-touching non -sexual relationship with no change. More discussion on the topic resulted in more backlash, anger and punishment. Eventually, the topic in our household became a taboo - the preverbial elephant in the room that was purposefully ignored be everyone. If this is happening to you after a year and a half, I would say your prospects for change after much longer are low.
At this point, I do not tell my wife about going for massage so that there is some physical touch in my life. Money has never been an issue to us and my wife has not worked or had any monetary need to work for 25 years. She has indicated that I should take care of my sexual needs on a solo basis, and I am finding that having some human touch without sexual contact at least helps my sanity.
As for the long term prospects, I know I have long ago given up on thinking there is any hope of a physical relationship with my wife. I am just hoping that one day my wife will be pleasant to me and will at least acknowledge that I am an ok husband, that she will put her arms around me and perhaps even want to kiss me on the lips as a husband. I believe this is an achievable goal, although I can not predict whether this will ultimatelyl be satisfactory. I suspect, however, that I am more likely to run into someone who actually appears to be attracted to me - my wife comments on this constantly as she deep down knows that her lack of desire and affection makes our long term survival as a couple vulnerable.
Gremlin, sorry to be so negative, but you should know the effects of a long term absence of a physical relationship on you, the HD spouse. I hope you can resolve your situation in the very near future.
