Quote: There’s a big difference between *once a day-once a week* AND “once a year.* I know we’re not supposed to “label,”
Yet the compulsion to do so is to difficult to ignore.
According to the info you provided, your boyfriend had a very difficult childhood including a mom who was overtly sexual toward/in front of him.
Add decades of alcoholism, heart disease and erectile disfunction.
It is a normal human reaction to build up defenses and constructs against negative emotional intrusions. The downside to those defenses is that once erected, they are d*mn hard to dismantle.
So which is more abnormal - if that shall be our term of preference - the supposedly abnormal man who appears be suffering from the repercussions of poor mothering, a missing dad?, a body that doesn't function well sexually or the supposedly normal woman who voluntarily spends days, months, years in frustration attempting to fix him?
I know this - that everytime a spouse shows up the picture changes. I don't think folks are here attempting to deceive, but it is clear what we get from individual participants is not fully representative of what is happening in our homes. So much of the relational dynamic is left unmentioned, probably even unrecognized.
I'll be honest with you, Lil, I'm biting my tongue not to light into you and paste a few labels on you. But I recognize that that is my anger talking and it's usually best not to give into it.
So, what do you get out of it, what does it accomplish and why are you doing it?
