My H is the HD spouse and I the LD. I can say that I made many mistakes over the years. He came across as interested in S and not me and that was a huge turnoff! He'd want to skip kissing, hugging, etc. to go straight to the "main event". That really made me angry and made me feel like an object.
When he tried to communicate with me I didn't hear what he was trying to say! Most men tend to get to the point and say things in a few words so it was lost between his mouth and my ears. When our R went over the edge and he turned me down when I initiated sex was when I was shocked into starting to hear him.
I did initiate S from the beginning of our marriage...both of us did.
Anyway, I didn't really UNDERSTAND!!! He told me it was too late. Does that day come for everyone? I don't know. Will it for you? I hope not.
I cannot say that we ever sat face to face without interruption with him telling me in detail what was really going on with him. He'd say a few sentances in passing when we were disagreeing about something. EVen there I don't think I realized the seriousness of this! I was an idiot!
In retrospect (and I try now too) I needed to follow up on slightest comment he made as that is just his style.
You will probably tire of little or no sex. Your wife is in the wrong. If she has issues about the R and that is the reason for no S (and it probably is) then it needs to be worked on.
I'd say if you have tried calm, kind, loving communication about your R and your Sexual needs and it isn't working...then if there is an OLDER lady in your family or circle of friends who is wise to this stuff...get her to talk to your wife.
As far as MB. My H does. We've talked about it and I've told me I would take care of him if for some reason we can't have S. It hurts me as I feel like he won't come to me. He has a few times and then distances himself.
I guess I communicated things for many years that I was unaware of.
Sometimes men seem like rocks and maybe she really doesn't know how deeply this issue is hurting your R and M. If she really loves you and has really HEARD what you are saying and doesn't want to lose you then she'll do SOMETHING to make it better. Even if that means talking! That is the truth in a nutshell.
So does she understand...does she hear???? Something has to make her hear it...you, a friend, a counselor, a book, an action....
Maybe in 10 years when you've had it that then your wife will wake up, like me....will be too late? Damage will be done ...while you are still at a lower anger point changes need to be made.
In 10 years you will have learned that she really does need all that romance and in 10 years she'll learn that a quickie is really fun...why had she avoided them?
