How do you HDH'ers out there deal with the absence of a SL? It's been about 2.5 years now since my W & I ML, and I'm really frustrated. Looking for some suggestions or observations about how others deal with the problem.
Sorry to see you have that problem too and so long between sexual encounters is a bummer.
Please fill us in on your histort from dating to now. What is your W's main objection and other issues. They need to be addressed first. The more information you post, the more help you will recieve.
Most people deal with no sex by confronting the issue in a friendly but business like manner. sometimes talking improves the SL and sometimes it takes leaving for a spouse to wake up.
I really don't know if it is coping anymore. I guess it is more just a matter of choice. Do you continue on not getting what you want? or do you make a move and live with the consequences?
God is love, love is blind, Ray Charles is blind......so there.
Oh, no! Not going through that again! I actually posted a LONG history about it (which you responded to) about 8 months ago. Here's the link: http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=816777&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=all&vc=1 I changed Internet providers, and couldn't retrieve my old login info, so I created a new ID. Still me though, still haven't had sex since Dec. 2003 (although I said 2.5 years in this posting, I guess it's only 1.5 since Dec. 2003 - seems like it's an eternity when you're not having sex, doesn't it? ). Still on shaky ground relationship-wise. I did go to the MC 4-5 times, but stopped because they kept screwing up the billing for it, and the W wasn't interested in going.
Yesterday was my birthday, and we went out to a nice dinner, came home & had some cake. I knew better than to even ask about sex. While I was blowing out the candles, W commented that I needed to "make a different wish". Seemed like a pretty clear indication not to pursue the issue.
Her health has been troublesome lately, which hasn't helped the situation at all, and she's taken a new job that demands a lot more from her. So at present, I'm not very hopeful about the situation improving - which I guess was why I asked how some other HDHs handle going without.
I guess I would agree with it not being "natural or healthy", but short of cheating or leaving (neither of which are realistic choices), what options are there? Unfortunately, the LD spouse is the one who controls when/if you have sex.
RE: Gremlin75 While I was blowing out the candles, W commented that I needed to "make a different wish". Seemed like a pretty clear indication not to pursue the issue.
Not even a hand job where you do 50% of the work? It only takes a minuet for us sex starved guys to "O" and kissing while "O" ing is so wonderful. Bummer.
It sounds like plan B is called for. Doing things without her.
I actually did just read your entire sitch on the previous linked thread, and I can relate. I'm the HD spouse, and my wife and I have made love exactly ONCE in the last year, and twice in the last three years. No more oral sex, not even affectionate kissing hardly ever anymore.
How do I cope? Masturbation. Trying not to think too much about it. Or, alternatively, PURPOSELY thinking about it, so I'll get angry, and not get wimpy and pursue her. Masturbation. Drink a little (1-2 glasses of wine each nite makes a nice, groggy feeling where you don't think about sex too much). Sleep on the couch, so I don't have to feel her lying next to me, and want her. Do more things on my own, FOR myself. Work out. Masturbate. Try to be thankful for all of the things she IS (a great mother, a good companion, a good cook), and not focus on the things that she is NOT. Read the LDs' posts on this bulletin board, which helps me feel empathy for the issues that my wife has.
Those all help. I do wish you well. It's not a life I would wish on anyone else, but then again neither is the daily fighting, negotiating, bickering, crying, yelling, etc., that I see others going thru (who are working on it).
). Still on shaky ground relationship-wise. I did go to the MC 4-5 times, but stopped because they kept screwing up the billing for it, and the W wasn't interested in going.
Unfortunately, the LD spouse is the one who controls when/if you have sex.
