Looking backward but only to move forward FIVE

[sage]

Everyone,

Thanks so much for the good wishes!

AMD, I'll come by soon, ok?

2much, you asked if h and I talked about having kids before the A...we had talked briefly about it here and there but it never felt like the right time...for a while we were just having a good time, then I got super involved in my career/school, then h got distant, then blah, blah, blah. I think we both wanted them, in the back of our minds, but also were both afraid of taking that big, giant step.

It's been a hard decision to "go for it" partly because of all of the fears I had had anyway and partly because of the issues h and I have had...I know that having a child will add wonder but also add stress and strain. But, after a lot of months of weighing it in my own mind, I finally started bringing it up now and then. I used my approach of giving h the head's up that I wanted to speak about something...and said "I'd like to talk about kids and whether or not we're going to go for it sometime in the near future." That usually resulted in a one or two line conversation until the NEXT time. Note that this was a giant lesson in patience because it was lots of time between conversations.

Now, I have the biological time clock factor -- I'm 39 and will be when the baby is born. So, about 8 months ago I said to h "I'd like to talk about whether or not we're going to have kids...and I think we need to do it fairly soon. I'm not saying we need to have them or not but I'd like to know which way we're going to go and at 38, I feel like I'm running out of time. I may be ok if we decide not to but I don't want to end up defaulting with 'no' because we ran out of time".

I mentioned this a couple of times and h and I talked on occasion about some issues that he had about the whole thing (totally unrelated to me or our m). Then, one day about 6 months ago he said "I think we should go for it"...so we did . Turns out this 39 year old is more fertile than I imagined (acupuncture for the last year has probably helped that).

Have you asked h what his concerns are? Care to share what the conversations are like?

Sage