Hiya Sage - I can relate, this happens in small doses over here too I guess there is a reason we linger in piecing, maybe because deep down we know that there is still work to be done on ourselves. But kudos to you, you were able to pull the situation back in line.
It is a real struggle to break the habits of a lifetime, to quit needing to be in control, or set the pace. I'm going to take a leaf out of your book, and give myself the OK to have a relaxing weekend,
So how do you make H feel needed? I am focusing on his needs as much as I can, but I'm still looking for practical ideas to help me do this. I ask for help getting high things down, for hauling heavy things, etc. This seems so superficial, but he's happy to do them. I feel like I also need deeper stuff, so I ask for advice about work. What else do DBing women do to address this? It feels like a weird question to ask, but obviously I wasn't doing such a hot job before.
Quote: So how do you make H feel needed? I am focusing on his needs as much as I can, but I'm still looking for practical ideas to help me do this. I ask for help getting high things down, for hauling heavy things, etc. This seems so superficial, but he's happy to do them. I feel like I also need deeper stuff, so I ask for advice about work. What else do DBing women do to address this? It feels like a weird question to ask, but obviously I wasn't doing such a hot job before.
Amd -- I only have a few minutes but I'll give your question a try...I find that it helps to think about ways I DON'T make him feel a certain way and then try to turn it around...can you think of 5 ways you make h feel unnecessary?
Like...
I make decisions about the house without consulting him (kids/work/life)
I make decisions about what we're going to do/eat/movie to see without consulting him.
I DO ask for his advice and then ignore it.
I DO ask for his advice and then "slightly edit it" to make it mine.
ETC.
Have you read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"??? There's quite a bit in there about making your h feel needed and appreciated.
Also, perhaps you are doing the right things now but it isn't enough time?
Finally, small things make a difference "What should we have for dinner?" (and then having exactly what he says), "Which brand of toilet paper do you want", etc....all everyday stuff that reminds him he's an integral part of your life.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
That's it--time. I need to stay patient and focused. I guess I'm also frustrated because he's trying to spend a lot of time with ow this week--she doesn't work with him anymore, and I think they're trying to compensate for that. Anyway, thanks for the reminder! I think I'll reread Mars and Venus.
Sigh. Still so little time for the BB! I try to read a bit every morning but never have the time to post. Weekends have been ultra crazy too! I AM here in spirit, folks, I swear!
Karen, I know I owe you a visit to your thread!
So...all my complaining about "not enough time" is about to get worse...well, in 6 months or so! Yes, 'tis true, in April 2006 we'll be welcoming a new member to the DB team! I'm finally passed the morning sickness stage and am feeling loads better (whew!). Next week I tell the new job! eek!
Everything is going very well but h and I have been in high pressure mode. With my not feeling well and him busier than I've ever, ever seen him, it's taking all kinds of good DB'ing to be kind and gentle to each other. Luckily it's working for the most part! He's over the top excited about the baby and has been wonderfully sweet and loving and cute. We just need to continue to make TIME for each other because that is the glue that keeps us , ya know?
Well, I'm supposed to be working but thought I'd check in. Maybe THIS weekend I'll have time to make the rounds (tho' I don't know...Sox/Yankees Saturday and Sunday!!!)
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
This is such wonderful news! Looking forward to your updates as always!
Take Care, SP
According to the Buddha, praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow may "come and go like the wind," but happiness comes if you can "rest like a great tree in the midst of them all."
I guess there is a reason we linger in piecing, maybe because deep down we know that there is still work to be done on ourselves. But kudos to you, you were able to pull the situation back in line. 
He's over the top excited about the baby and has been wonderfully sweet and loving and cute. We just need to continue to make TIME for each other because that is the glue that keeps us 
, ya know?
