Looking backward but only to move forward FIVE

[sage]

Hi everyone,

Whew, lots of visits! I will try to honor the requests for thread stoppovers today -- I'm posting in the middle of the day because I'm home from work listening to the plumber break through our kitchen ceiling to get at our upstairs bathroom pipes! egads!

Things here are good but extremely stressful for a variety of reasons (some individual for each of us and some together). What's amazing and delightful and suprising and scary is how much goodwill we've built up over the last few years and how having those reserves are so useful and save us during these times!!!

I did step in it a bit last night, though...I'd had a long day at work and stopped at the grocery store for dinner stuff on the way home...by the time I got there I was tired and hungry and irked that a) I was doing the shopping and b) that h had been home for hours and I hadn't heard from him. I had spun myself up pretty well.

I walked in with the bags and the first thing I said (very sweetly but still oozing control) was "I wish that you had called or e-mailed me when you got home". He was apologetic and seemed fine with it, etc. But then it turns out that h had gone to school and then found out that something he had done for work over the summer didn't go so well and he'd have to spend today and lots of time this weekend making changes -- now that's on top of it being the first week of school + a presentation he's making on Tuesday + all kinds of law review stuff

I felt like a gnat. (really!)

Now, in my gnatlike defense, in the course of telling me about his work thing, he was ALSO telling me that he couldn't be home today to be here when the plumber was going to be here so that meant that I'd have to drive to work this AM and then BACK again in order to be here -- PLUS telling my 2 month old job yet AGAIN that I needed to work from home.

So much going on!!!

But, we really did fine. We made an awesome (and awesomely simple dinner), caught up with each other, joked around a bit, etc. I told him that I'd surround him with a "cocoon of love" (which he's said to me before) this weekend but at first it may feel like the "cocoon of judgement and irritation" (referring to my initial response). I think he liked the joke.

I started listening to my meditation tapes again (after a few week hiatus -- though I've still been meditating) and they just help me get grounded and calm and open again. Last week h told me that he cannot believe how calm and relaxed I am about things now -- everything just has much less of an edge thanks to Jack Kornfield and meditation!!!

Anyway, I'm going to go grab lunch and run some errands but I'll be back.

Sage