If you are the “ill spouse”, what things are you doing to take care of yourself? What things are you doing that either help to alleviate your condition and symptoms, and what things are you doing that might be making them worse? What things should you be doing more of, and what things should you be doing less of? What are some of the things you “can’t do” versus what you “won’t do” for yourself? How does your partner know the difference between these two?
If you are the “well spouse”, again, what things are you doing to take care of yourself? What things are you doing to “put your oxygen mask on first” that will help you to help your partner? What activities, outside of caring for your partner, are you involved in that help to give you strength, and to give yourself a break?
I'm trying to become more solution-oriented, but right now my spouse and I are drowning in his emotional and communicative withdrawal, and the sex starved part.
He is the well one. He "takes care" of himself by masterbating alot. He is not taking care of himself enough. I encourage him every day to go out golfing with a friend, but his friends don't come through so I try to find other guys he can golf with. He mopes around in his bathrobe and the TV has become his passion. (And, as I said, HE is the "well" one!)
I take care of myself by keeping up on my medical appointments, trying to find ways to exercise without pain (yes swimming is extremely painful, even), I take my medicines - all eleven of them. I read self help books. I try to understand how I can help.
We really could use some more instruction other than find solutions, which we aren't very good at.
