I cannot say that I was originally the LD partner. In the beginning and for a long time, b4 kids, we were equally HD. It was amazing. Like many relationships, this changes over time. Kids, jobs, and just plain busy lives interfered with our time together. We had 3 kids in 3 years so there was a lot of quality time that went away. Then H became a Police Officer and began working 3rd, then 2nd shift. Family time and quality time was lost all together. I resented him not being home. I was heavier than I had ever been and this took a toll on my self esteem and confidence. Never in a million years did I think of an A. I truly believe that the A is over. I know I am not suppose to snoop but I do for piece of mind. I am pretty confident that the A is gone. What I am not confident about is how much H thinks about it and what triggers his memories the most. Unfortunately, my kids tend to bring up OW because she watched them for a year. I can't make them stop talking about her but change the subject quickly. There are certain songs that were out last summer and they make me think of her then I think that surely they make my H think of her. This is the hardest part for me. That is know that someone else had a special place in my H's heart, post marriage.
Even though this was an extremely painful experience, I know deep in my heart that it was a wakeup call for both of us. I know my H is trying and we are piecing our marriage and life back together. We have a better relationship than we have had in several years and the attraction is beginning to come back along with passion. It's just not like it use to be. You could be right that he is just cautious and expecting it to crumble. I did not have an A but I hurt my H in other ways by talking about a D and pushing him away. I also agree with you about the guilt. I can honestly see that he is sorry and if I know him as well as I think I do, he is kicking himself, wondering how he could let something like this happen. I have followed all the DB rules and when I feel bad and think that he is thinking about the A, I back off and do something on my own. My H tends to come looking for me then. I was shocked today. He called from worked and didn't say anything. He played Stevie Wonder's "I just called to say I love you" in the phone. This is something he did a very long time ago. I was actually crying because it made me so happy. I'm a little worried that my H is depressed and this is causing him to have a LD. He is too stubborn to admit a problem and talk to anyone about it and I hope it doesn't get worse. I guess patience is still a virtue and it has only been a year since all the bad stuff happened. I should be happy that we made this much progess I suppose. Thanks for the advice.
