I can't believe how many "me too"s you got on that one. Now you can add me to the list. You seem to be much better with words than I am, but the place you're in now is very similar to where I was when I changed my name.
I'm contented, but at the same time, not contented. I'm tired of pushing. W never really had the spark you speak of, and my R fatigue has damped mine a bit as well. There’s been a lot accomplished and I’m proud of that, but it’s feeling like the curve has flattened out and there won’t be a lot more progress. I’m happy that things are better but there’s an undercurrent of sadness that we’ll probably never have the kind of R that I really want. And that undercurrent of sadness seems to be pretty strong right now.
After more work than I care to think about right now, we got to a point where we’ve ML an average of once a week for more than a year. But the R fatigue has sapped my will to keep pushing. And as I’ve stopped pushing, the frequency has dropped proportionally. W did actually initiate on Sunday, but it was after more than three weeks of nothing. And to make things worse, I couldn’t get it up. Then W actually made comments about me not being interested and not liking her anymore. What a downer.
So right now I’m just trying to concentrate on appreciating what I have. I’m sure I’ll get inspired again and head back to the mines, but for now – I just don’t have it in me.
