MrsNOP, I wanted to let you know that I had an experience last night in which I finally GOT what you have been telling me (and the rest of us).
I came to bed and MrH was exhausted. In the few minutes it took me to remove my contacts, etc, he was in a sound sleep. He rallied a bit when I arrived but I could tell he was tuckered out. So I kissed him good night and began to read. He was mumbling a little, trying to spend time with me, and I responded to something he said with "I was hoping you'd want to fool around tonight!" He immediately brightened and said, I'm up for that!
In that moment, I felt such intense love for him. I knew that he didn't want sex at all, rather he was doing this out of pure love. I don't know how to explain it except to say that I GOT IT. I felt it.
Prior to this, I know that he's ML many times without wanting to, but it never felt loving. It felt nice but it was missing that element of self sacrifice or good will or something, I don't know. Perhaps it was the way he lit up. Perhaps it was his high wattage smile as he said it.
I would liken it to how he must have felt when I went from begrudgingly doing the dishes, to doing the dishes when asked, to doing them but acting put out, to doing them before asked and with a smile.
At any rate, we did not ML, as he just looked too comfy. I told him to go ahead and succumb to the sleep that was calling him and he (to my surprise!) said, Wake me when you are done reading.. I told him, yeah right..I'll try, LOL.
It was so nice to see in his eyes and his face that he loves me enough to do this.
Friday night I was a bit of a basket case...feeling very insecure and frumpy. I fought with myself and was struggling to keep my composure..I wanted so bad to infect him with my mood and shamelessly go for reassurance. But I didn't. The most I did was to ask him, How do you show your love to me? I know that you love me and I know you must do many things to show that to me, but I need to know what they are so that I recognize them as such.
See, when a person's love language is acts of service the line between "I'm doing chores" and "I'm showing my love" is easily blurred. After all, the floors have to be dustbusted whether or not he's married to me. So I was thinking that I must be missing what he is doing to show love. He replied, Hmmm...well, I guess I do it by giving my time. For instance, if you say you are going to go to the grocery store, I will suggest that we all go and try to make a family outing of it, with going out to eat and stuff. I brightened up. Oh okay, I know what you're talking about.
It is hard sometimes with him, to tell what he is doing that is for me. It is obvious what he does for God, and the kids, but with me it's very hard to tell. It helps me to know what to look for, that way I don't feel so left out.
And just me asking that question got his wheels spinning. Even after all this time, he is still surprised to realize, Hey yeah I guess I do have to DO things to show her..not just love her silently and hope she knows.
So I have his time and last night, I had his killer smile and sweet attitude. Now that is a winning combo, sex or no!
