Lil, What I am saying is that, while my H may view ignoring bodily pleasure as having some value to it (such as fasting), he would not--under our circumstances--see ignoring the erection in the same way. Because *I* am affected by the choice to sleep, whereas I am not when he fasts. There was a time when he most certainly thought that denying himself sex was a virtuous thing to do. He even tried to convince me that this was true. Now, he would say this is completely false.
I guess what I'm saying is that I see how he acts when truly denying himself for virtuous reasons and it just doesn't mesh. Fwiw, fasting is very very difficult for him. Isn't that interesting? However, I shouldn't be too surprised. He has said that he would be much more interested in me if I would say no. There was a brief time in which I was the LD partner and he was VERY frustrated and irritated about that and didn't hide it one little bit.
I read a post last week by a poster named No Hill for a Swimmer and he outlined the behavior of Marines around him. I was sitting there thinking, Yeah that used to be my H. At one time I had to ask him to curtail his going to strip clubs. He's changed so much, it's really unbelievable to me at times when I sit back and think about it. Luckily for him, I am an adaptable person. I don't know if that's from having lots of chaos and change and upheaval in my childhood, or due to the fact that I'm a 7.
Anyway, good luck with the 8 stuff! Hope it yields some new insight.
I have a question for you. I know that you’ve mentioned many times that MrHP is very concerned with the clock and with your SL affecting his sleep. What I do recall hearing is how much sleep MrHP needs and/or how much he gets.
Obviously, as the HD in our R, I have a hard time imagining being too tired to ML or too worried about getting enough sleep to put off ML when I have an E and an eager W right there next to me. But I also have to admit that sleep is a big issue with me as well. I’m chronically sleep deprived. My normal day begins around 04:00 and I seldom make it to bed (much less to sleep) before 22:30. Add it up: I usually only get about five to five and a half hours of sleep per night.
If I wasn’t quite so sex-starved and if I knew that W would be equally available and willing “next time”, then I can see the potential for me ignoring the E and turning down ML in favor of getting to sleep. Right now, I would gladly give up the extra sleep to ML. But if I knew that I could ML virtually any time I wanted to, I can see that in the sitch you’ve described, I just might choose sleep.
My H does not get enough sleep. Let me start by saying that. However, it is becoming increasingly hard for me to sympathize and accept this, given that he intentionally sets his day up like this:
Up at 5:15, out the door by 5:45. Mass at 6:20 Leave for work at 7:00 am. Work from 7:30 til 5. Home at 5:30-5:45, depending on traffic. Supper at 6:00 Cleanup/Play with little ones til 7:00 or so. Bath at 7:30 Kids' bedtime at 8:30 MrHP showers at 8:45 MrH either: Goes to bed at 9:00 (his ideal) OR MrH watches movie until 9:30 or 9:45.
His ideal bedtime is 9:00 pm, but it has been a long time since we were able to pull that off. He used to go to bed immediately following kids going to bed but I put up enough of a stink that he no longer does this.
Nowadays he will only ML if it is before 10:00.
He sleeps most nights from 10 until 5 the next morning. When we ML, I'd say we are sleeping by 10:30. I DO realize that this is not enough sleep (I'd feel like crud if I got this much sleep on a regular basis).
What should I do? Continue to sympathize with him and allow him to ignore me?
Incidentally, he does not have to be at work until 8:30 but he doesn't want to miss Mass so he goes in an hour early.
He fits in what he deems a priority, is what chaps me. Then he wants to cry "sleepy!" and shut me out, at night.
In all the years we've been working on this, this is one thing that he will NOT see my side on. At all. He wants to cram all that into his day AND go to bed early AND have me be happy with the amount of energy he puts towards our R.
HP, for some reason I had in my head that he'd given up those morning masses. Would be nice if he'd compromise and do mass everyother day and do Honey the days in between, eh? Maybe you should go boink him in the parkin lot at work at 7:30AM. Make good use of that hour, kwim?
Yeah, yeah that's it. Drop the kids off with Mom, show up at work at 7:20 and wait for him to show, then jump his bones explainin that since he doesn't have time at night, and this hour he doesn't *have to * be at work, that you want him to give you that hour instead of giving it away to work
--GGB thinkin how hot it would be if MrsGGB showed up anywhere to boink him in the parkin lot
That is one thing he is steadfast on. The world may come and go, but MrH is going to be at 6 a.m. Mass.
I both admire this and find it frustrating. If everything were fine in the R, I'd say More power to ya, H!
Some days it just feels like he will never stop choosing church over me.
But!! I'm not going down that road today. I've had a good day with the girls. Made a splat mat for the baby, did a paint-a-tshirt project with D5, managed to not do bodily harm to D3 (the best I can hope for with her, lol) and had a few nice emails with H. Can't ask for more than that. Oh yeah, and I have a 10 dollar off coupon for the grocery store tonight. Yee haw.
This is one of those issues that I will have to find a way to accept. He is not changing this. It's been like this for many years--he makes morning Mass happen, no matter what the consequences are. I can either accept it, or leave. He's set his boundary.
All I can do is enforce my boundary. "I will not be turning in at 9:00 so you can get to Mass every day. I will be setting time aside for us after the kids go to bed, and I hope you are willing to join me."
What about waiting for him after his shower, ML, put MrHP to bed with a smile on YOUR face and then you get up and go do your thing in peace and quiet. Just because he's going to sleep, doesn't mean you have to.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Understand that I would have to do a little fancy talkin, at first, to get him used to the idea that I was going to go back there and boink his brains out and then get back up. He has this strict idea that beds are for sleeping and if you "plan" sex that much, well, that's just wrong or weird somehow.
I'd probably fall asleep afterwards but that's okay.
Honestly, it's a keeper! He'd LOVE the fact that he got to get in bed early, all the while fulfilling his Wifely Duty, I'd be in charge telling him what to do and when (his preference), I mean, it has all the elements of the good life, as far as he's concerned!
Thanks for the suggestion.
Any time I have suggested we stop what we're doing and go ML, it's made him nervous and freaked out. But he'd get used to it and be grateful for the extra zzz's.
As you all know, MrH started a new job 3 weeks ago. So he's been slowly getting to know his new co-workers.
When he walked in the door last night, he was quite passionate..kept kissing me, hugging me, etc. I kept asking him what was going on, cause I could see the wheels turning, but he wouldn't tell. Finally he says that he rode to a meeting in another bldg with a fella, and they of course talked about their families--what else do you talk about with a stranger?
He said: Honey, I am so lucky to have you. I never realize it until I start talking to other guys and they start talking about their wives. You are a perfect wife! I wouldn't change a thing about you!!
And on and on. It was so sweet. WOA do not flow easily from MrH, unless he is talking about my cooking or cleaning abilities, so I was eatin it up!
Also, I do try to be a good wife to him and sometimes I do get resentful because he's so clueless he doesn't realize that the things he considers as normal would be major super duty extras in most households. I should give him his props and say that he treats me especially good, as well. But I KNOW he does..I know what the alternative is. I was MrH's first and only relationship so he has this idea that all wives dote on their mates.
anywayyy, it felt good to be recognized by him. He had a wild look on his face as he was telling me about this fella's wife; it was funny. Evidently she's a bit of a spendthrift, along with some other bad habits.
Last night, I turned him down for ML. I had a migraine (still have it). It felt weird to turn him down and I stupidly made the mistake of mentioning, Hey how long would it have to be before it started to bother you? I should have just turned him down and went to sleep. The number he mentioned did nothing for me, but don't ask if you don't wanna know, I always say!
Hope you all have a nice weekend. It's shaping up to be a beauty here.
Let us know how it goes HP. My H would not do well with this kind of plan. He would have his evening all mentally lined up: shower, followed by relaxing in front of tv, followed by checking email before turning in. Anything that interrupted this process is deemed "not good." If I take a shower in the evening and H wanders in to the bathroom he might say "hey sexy" but he WOULD NEVER join me in there or anything of that nature for fear of infringing on my time. Never mind that I have begged to have my time infringed upon. I am often fascinated by the different things that work in the different couples here.
Oh sure, the old "not tonight I have a headache routine." Honey, couldn't you come up with someting more imaginative? Just kidding, hope your headache goes away soon. Could be a great weekend.
I know what you mean about being a good wife. Same goes for hubbies. Some women talk about their men and all they do for them and I think, "you don't know that you've got it so good." My H did very little around the house, but complain. Then I hear from some of my girlfriends that their men do laundry and dishes and read bedtime stories....
Anyway, I hope you have a great weekend and sexathon or not, enjoy your man. He sounds great.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
