I enjoy the conversations a LOT more than I ever have. My own spirituality has grown in the last year, so it helps me. Before I felt that I was talking about something that I didn't feel..or couldn't relate to like he could. I just realized the parallels between my spirituality and his sexuality as I typed that. I sought out more religious materials and really felt myself, for the first time, being drawn to my faith. As a cradle Catholic, I could talk a great game, but I didn't feel it deep down in my bones. I may not be at the level H is, but I'm getting there with every passing year.
Also, with each passing year, the deep hurt is lessening. Before I couldn't stand the religious convos not solely because I got nothing out of them but because they represented to me his deep passion and love for his faith--the same faith that he nearly left me over--and highlighted how he simply did not feel that way for me. It has taken many years to get over this. Will I ever get over it completely?? I don't know. I asked myself that the other day. Gosh I hope so.
Oh and I wanted to say that I don't NEED sex 4 times a week to feel happy with him. I surely want it that much, but I can live with a drastic reduction of, say, three. LOL Even twice a week is too little and I start to feel disconnected from him. I realize how that sounds but if we are talking about my happiness--and we are--then I have to be honest and say that I couldn't be happy with anything less than that. A long time ago, I was talking about doing a sex schedule and NOP chimed in and said, Make sure you allot enough sex for yourself. I thought that was an odd comment at the time..given that MrH was doing something he did not want to do (a schedule) and here I was to say, Well it can't be less than such-and-such. But now I see what he meant. Don't underestimate your ability to be content, simply cause you're so happy with step one--the effort. The LD partner will have to step up and do the same sort of negotiating. My job is to really sit back and let my H do his negotiating which is much more quiet and reserved than my own. He is either pensive or he is overreacting, in the 6 way. I have to pay close attention and measure my words so that he has a chance to get his ideas heard.
MrsNOP that was so eloquent!! You really have a way with words.
I think that is a great approach. The only problem I can see is in concentrating solely on the emotional aspect. I think these fellas should say all that, but also add in what it means to them physically. Otherwise their wives will likely have their bullsh*t monitors going off loudly. I know my husband is willing to listen to me say what it means to me, but I'd better be honest and include the physical part or he tunes me out. He sees it as a ploy.
Do the wives do this too?
Lillie, are you certain your bf is a 7? Has he taken the tests?
