Yeah it isn't a gender thing. He is not a "I have to tell him a hundred times" kinda person. I rarely repeat myself. He does not force me to nag--if I ask for something, he will do it, if he can.
I know he heard me before but I think perhaps he stopped listening once he got to the "....and on the 4th day" part. LOL I think he thought, Sister you're outta luck! But I wasn't necessarily trying to 'talk' him into anything, or demand that we do it my way, so much as I was trying to say "I'm just getting started when you're winding down and that's a problem". We seemed to move beyond the I am this and You are that portion of the convo, on to solutions. That is a first. Long ago, during our very first Discussion, he agreed to sex at least twice per week and that is the last time we had any real breakthroughs wrt frequency. And, to his credit, frequency has not been a problem with the exception of when I was pg and now. I believe we slowed down due to my physical pain and then it became our new "habit" and I suppose we will have to start breaking in a new habit.
I've been feeling physically better..maybe at 80%...and I'm quite frankly in the mood to celebrate. I hesitate to say I'm cured, cause it is probably a hormonal fluctuation, but dammit I feel better and I want someone to play with.
Also, HD, I believe it is a little of what you were talking about on the crucible thread. I can't say he is giving his best all the time, but I can honestly say he is putting forth a very good effort most of the time. So I feel as if he is looking at me, incredulously, and saying, This is STILL not enough?
And I have to answer honestly and say, No I am not happy with the results. I mean.....gosh I know how that sounds....I appreciate the effort and I think he's amazing for doing it..but am I happy? Am I sated? No.
I am not, however, angry and pissy about it either. But I will continue to negotiate to get more of my needs met, in a loving way. (this is the part where I sometimes fail )
I think he has an expectation that I will be happy with whatever comes my way, so long as he is trying his best. Firstly, he's not trying his 'best' (by his own admission) and secondly, says who? Who says I have to be happy and content just because someone else is giving their all? I am thrilled with the EFFORT but not the bottom line. I know how that makes me sound but it's the truth.
Saying that truth in a nice way, without making myself out to be a bitch, is not easy. I prefer sex 4 times a week and we've been having it once a week. Our weeks have been crazy, with kids and job stuff so I have been backing off (rightfully so) but still...getting a quarter of your needs met will not send anyone over the moon, kwim?
As a separate human being from him, I reserve the right to be sated and happy at whatever point feels right to me. Ditto for him and his needs.
But like I said, I will do my level best to remain cheerful--I almost always pull this off--and kind. I can no longer hold my warmth hostage when he doesn't live up to our agreement.
This is mostly journaling, in case you haven't figured it out. Just a big ol free association of crap that is floating around my brain.
)
