Quote:

It comes off as "I'll have sex with you if you want" rather than "I'd like to ML to you".




HP, I am running into the same thing right now, except even if we both want to we can't (unless we want another kiddo) right now because she's in her fertile period. Her reaction to the fertile time has been to just not touch me at all, which has gotten me predictably grumpy (a dynamic I am struggling to break). I think she's got in her head that all physical has to lead to an O, and we had the discussion just yesterday about the church's rules on not spilling the seed*, therefore no touching until we can boink again. Trouble is, her cycle is still erratic, so we are ending up with just a few (5 days last time) safe days in what last month was a 42 day cycle. Oh my, I really digressed. What I was starting to say is that we've fallen into the same dynamic where she'll kind of tentatively caress me with about the same if you want to I am willing message. No urgency, no Oink meows.

Monday night, after a while of mutual caressing I got her going really good with a HJ, and gave her a pretty good O (that is a first). Nothing more happened, and IC was out because of the timing. She didn't reciprocate, which was fine with me, as it was intended to be something just for her. Since then, though I was kind of hoping for her to show me some affection but it hasn't happened. This morning I finally said something to her, and it turned out she was afraid she'd leave me frustrated and with blue-balls. Sigh, OK so I get no loving at all then? Obviously need to talk this out, but I have to figure out how and when to do it so that she doesn't then come on to me in the usual I guess I gotta take care of you way.

OK, sorry about the hijack.
Now back to you. HP, I think you need to tell him exactly what you are telling us, but don't do it in bed so he hopefully doesn't take it as a honey-do list (or is that a do-Honey list ). The point is try to convey your feelings rather than what you wish he would do or not do, Tell him how you feel when he does(n't) _______, KWIM? I think maybe if you do this right, then it won't have to wait for things to settle out in the outside of bed part of your life.




*gosh, I still haven't figured out how I am supposed to abide by that one, but darn it, I am trying really hard. Not getting off is making me hornier by the day, and moodier as if she is supposed to read my mind and know that I am horny and somehow find a way to alleviate that without breaking the church rules....Argh! (actually, If I am going to break them rules, I'd rather not do it by myself ). Come on temperature shift!

--GGB, to whom the crack of dawn is starting to look good