Hiya Mrs and FL, I am not really "just laying there" but sometimes I don't immediately start doing it back to him. Sometimes I just enjoy the attention, kwim.
MrH does not like to be touched. Physical touch freaks him out. So when I do touch him, it is more the variety of laying on him or draping myself on him. Actual fingertip-variety touch makes him skittish. Or hot. Or ticklish. Or FITB. This used to greatly offend me but I'm okay with it now. I just make sure that my touch is either the kind he likes (ie, hard massage type stuff) or I am touching him with my body and not my hands.
Last night, I came to bed after a hectic night out...I left as soon as he got home, as he was an hour late and so I was an hour late to the dinner; then I came home, pumped, and got in bed. When I arrived, it was sort of a WHEW feeling. He said his Good NIGHT! and I got my feathers ruffled. He was touching me and my mind was going on that, admittedly, but still I snuggled over closer to him, I placed my hand on his hip, I nuzzled my head into his shoulder and made appropriate yummy noises. It was so short lived that there simply wasn't enough time for me to be acting aroused. Nor was it all that arousing. It WAS pleasurable and soft and wonderful and sweet and it felt so..damn..good...but it wasn't an arousing type of touch. During this time I did not touch him back, yet.
The stewing over the good night comment was getting stronger so I just addressed it. We got that out of the way and the first thing I did was to touch him suggestively. He was hard and we proceeded. Then we started talking about the initiation. Sick, you described his motive exactly. I don't reject him and yet he's so scared of it that he will put out these tentative feelers rather than truly make an initiation. It's not all that arousing. It comes off as "I'll have sex with you if you want" rather than "I'd like to ML to you".
Mrs, you know, the only reason I don't say "Whatcha got in mind?" when he does this is because he will always and I mean always say, Whatever you want. What do YOU want to do, honeypot? If I keep grilling him, he will eventually say "I guess I could make love if you wanted to". He will not own his feelings or his motivation. It drives me crazy and puts me in this sick headspace where I want to force him to SAY IT!
The other problem that has happened in the past is that he will answer however he thinks I want him to and then he gets resentful about it. Of course, I have no idea about this until weeks later when he'll bitterly spew out, "We are making love all the time and I can't say no!" or something like that.
If you have any suggestions on how I can phrase it please send em through.
Like I said, it was a pleasant ending so I'm not complaining per se. Just wanting to get back to the better place we were without all the theatrics that led us there in the first place.
