Matt_L posted this over on shirley's thread, and I thought it belongs here, too!!!
Quoting Matt_L: Hi Shirley,
No contact can be better than contact depending on your timing.
DO NOT contact your SO when you need affirmation. This will show and will push him away. Also, it is more likely than not you will not get it, which will ruin your PMA.
DO NOT contact your SO when you are looking for signs of progress. This will come across to him as you being needy and will push him away. Again, it is also more likely than not you will not get what you are looking for.
DO NOT contact your SO when you are in a bad, sad, or crummy mood. This will usually result in a bad encounter, which will push him away.
DO contact your SO when you have something that needs to be addressed. However, don't make up things just as an excuse to contact him. When you do contact him, make sure you are mentally prepared with good PMA.
DO contact your SO when you are in a good mood. This will often shine through in the contact and will leave him with a good impression.
DO be the first to end contact with your SO.
DO read your SO's mood when you contact him. If after a few comments, the contact is not going well, end it. If Your SO volunteers information, listen and validate to show him good rapport.
EVERY contact with your SO should be an opportunity to win him back. Do not fall prey to your present emotional needs, which can result in contact that pushes him away. Keep your ultimate goal in mind. Use contact to draw him closer!
Hope that helped.
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
