I still cannot find any peace. I believe I can control my anger with my H and I know that I love him, but I'm still having a lot of trouble in getting past his affair. He won't let me ask any questions and I think he has lied to me with some of his answers and with this still rotating in my brain, I'm still have trouble moving forward with him. How do I ask him about his A without me "bringing up the past" and "getting over it". Is this a sign of not forgiving him? Or have I forgiven him but still battling within my soul that this is too much for me to handle? Is God trying to tell me something? On the one hand, I love him and I want the marriage to work, but on the other hand, I can't seem to move forward, why? I feel like I really want the marriage to work but I cannot find peace with this decision. Why isn't there any peace? He has told me that he doesn't want the marriage any more, he wants a divorce so now I am having a decision forced on me! I'm not angry, just still very confused. How can I be sure that the marriage is really want I want and more importantly, is this what God wants? I'm struggling spiritually as well. I can't tell what God is trying to tell me or what Satan is trying to do to me. Do I need more time to heal? All I know is that I'm heading for a nerveous breakdown - I cannot go on much longer like this and neither can my H. I truly am very desparate for help.
By the way, we had a good weekend - we enjoyed ourselves which confuses me more. Why do I today feel all of these emotions - again? I'm sick of this.
