I read an incredible book this weekend. The name of it is "Forgivenss" by John Arnott. I would highly recommend this to anyone who is having a problem with forgiveness. I've read it three times thus far and I brought it with me to work as a reminder during the day.
Here is what I've decided. My H is truly trying to make the M work so I thought I may as well try. I still struggle, I'm still working on trying to find good in him, when I see very little, I'm trying to put positive thoughts in my mind, rather than negative. It is a struggle and I'm not very good at it, but I'm determined to change my thoughts. Yesterday, I was very confident with working it out with my husband and wouldn't you know this morning I woke up and the questions again started, is this what I really want? Do I really want to be with someone with who did something so selfish and with little character? So I started second guessing myself, the cycle continues. Then, I said STOP, I'm not going there, said a little prayer and started trying to find a little peace within myself. Yesterday, I was at peace, today I'm not, but I do know that I have to try to make the marriage work or I will always wonder what could have been. I don't know what the future holds but my goal is not to be fearful of it. Things will work according to God's plan.
