Why is the decision so hard for me? My MC said that I'm fighting myself. I know what I can live with and what I can't and yet I'm trying to convince myself that I can live with the A. If I don't make a decision soon, I'm going to end up in a mental hospital. This is killing me. Any advise? I'm really suffering.
Gwyn- I'm a little confused as to why you feel like you need to decide right now. I have heard that a decision to walk away may provide some temporary relief. Until you begin to realize that you may have acted on emotion and doubt creeps in as you begin to regret your decision. A decision to walk away from your marriage will not make the pain go away. It will be a step toward a path that you have chosen, but unfortunately, your H's A will be the baggage you carry with you regardless of the path you choose. It isn't fair. But that's the way it is. With that being said, you need to embrace your reality Gwyn b/c you can't erase what happened, you can't make it go away and there's no magic pill to make you the same happy Gwyn you were before the A. I cheated on my H. I can't go back in time and I can't change it. But I can learn from it. Be a more loving and responsible partner than I was before the A. But to get there I have to make the journey so that what I did doesn't occur in vain. It didn't happen for nothing, only to cause pain. I have to *make* some good come of it. You can do it too.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
I can't stand being in limbo. I want closure. I want peace, I want sleep. I'm drained. I want the M to get back on track, but I cannot even stand to be in the same room with my H. I don't know if time will help this.
My H and I had MC last night. It went awful. I lashed out again. So, we decided to take a one week from all of this. No contact, no seeing each other, etc. I feel empty yet I know this may be the best for now. I plan on secluding myself and spending time with my feelings, thoughts and to be much in prayer. I am actually freaking about not seeing or talking to my H but one week is better than forever if I divorced him. So I want to take this time, regroup and see where I am in a week. The only thing that disturbes me about this is that at the end of this week, my H may find peace as well - and it will be without me. Again, I am driven by fear, but I'll work on this as well. The main thing I want is some peace, I haven't found this yet and I desparately need it. Any advise?
Hi Gwyn, it doesn't seem that long ago where I finished off a post with..."I just want peace". My friends all read between the lines and came to the rescue. I was so tired and wanted out of everything...it hurt so much everyday and night.
I grew up catholic but I my relationship with God stopped being active when I entered my 20's. Well, I turned back to him the day I wrote that post about wanting peace. I kneeled down and prayed...and prayed...and....
I like to tell this story. The next day, I found peace. I still hurt every day but God heard me and I heard him. I was given an answer. I have read that you are asking God for strenght. Don't give up. Mine was a miracle because it was when I was at my lowest. It doens't really matter what happened...it just did. Since then, small things add up that help through the day...especially our friends here on this site.
When all else fails and you don't know where to turn.....look up
I am thinking of you and I'm gonna ask him to give you the same guidance he gave me.
Thank you. I have rebelled against God, even now as I struggle, I rebel with the angry outbursts, the need to get even, etc. I hate being in the strange place, turmoil, trama, rage and indifference. I am praying and meditating. I need to know the direction to go and with the peace of going in that direction. I pray that God will guide my steps and show me what path to take and when he shows me, I need to know that is straight from God and find the strength that it will take.
I just don't know if I'll find the peace of staying with my H or peace by leaving. I pray that God will lead.
I think I may be a little unique. As you know, my H had an A for 1 1/2 years and he is wanting to reconcile with me but I'm too angry. I hate being around him. Anyway, I'm the victim but somehow I think he is doing all the DB. He has detached, patiently waiting, taking care of himself while I'm going down the tubes. Has this ever happened? Look, I'm very angry at my H. He destroyed a very fresh, new and wonderful marriage and I cannot understand why he did it and I'm not sure I can live with it, whate I do find interesting, that he's detaching and I'm now wanting him back. But why? Is it because I'm insecure? Do I need to GAL? Any advise?
Anger is an incidious beast and only you can release yourself from it. Ask God to empower you to release your anger so you can get on with your life.
Louise Hay, a beautiful author and philosopher (although some academics would argue about that) says far better than I can
Quote: We are each responsible for all our our experiences. Every thought we think is creating our future. The point of power is always in the present moment. Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt. The bottom line for everyone is, "I'm not good enough." It is only a thought, and a thought can be changed. We create every so-called illness in our body. Resentment, criticism and guilt are the most damaging patterns. Releasing resentment will dissolve even cancer. We must release the past and forgive everyone. We must be willing to begin to learn to love ourselves. Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the keys to positive changes. When we really love ourselves, everthing in our life works.
And remember - Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
I read an incredible book this weekend. The name of it is "Forgivenss" by John Arnott. I would highly recommend this to anyone who is having a problem with forgiveness. I've read it three times thus far and I brought it with me to work as a reminder during the day.
Here is what I've decided. My H is truly trying to make the M work so I thought I may as well try. I still struggle, I'm still working on trying to find good in him, when I see very little, I'm trying to put positive thoughts in my mind, rather than negative. It is a struggle and I'm not very good at it, but I'm determined to change my thoughts. Yesterday, I was very confident with working it out with my husband and wouldn't you know this morning I woke up and the questions again started, is this what I really want? Do I really want to be with someone with who did something so selfish and with little character? So I started second guessing myself, the cycle continues. Then, I said STOP, I'm not going there, said a little prayer and started trying to find a little peace within myself. Yesterday, I was at peace, today I'm not, but I do know that I have to try to make the marriage work or I will always wonder what could have been. I don't know what the future holds but my goal is not to be fearful of it. Things will work according to God's plan.
Things are getting better. I've decided to really try to make my M work, however, my H is now pulling away. Understandably so because of my constant angry outbursts. He has had enough and I'm not sure at all that he wants the M back. With that said, I went to dinner with a friend and he called 4 times, text messaged me and went by my apartment. So I guess even though he says he doesn't want it, I think down deep inside he does. Anyway, I told him I'm ready to come home so let me know when you're ready and he said okay. By the way, he changed the locks on the house. MY HOUSE, I alone own it, but when I found this out, I had no reaction but I'll tell you all here and not to my H, it really made me mad. I'm trying to control my anger and I think I'm becoming a little better at it. I have a long way to go, but I have chosen to control it better which is half the battle.
Can someone expaliln to me the "as if" concept - I couldn't find it in the DR book.
