As you all know, I've struggled and struggled with a decision to stay in my marriage. My marriage was full of lies, deception and not anything that I wanted in a marriage. I know life isn't fair and sometimes we have to hold our marriages together for all sorts of reasons - children, history, financial support - none of which I have. So you see there is no bond, no glue, nothing. I don't see myself ever getting beyond the A, it is just a complete deal breaker for me. I tried to overlook it and tried to make my marriage work, but the indecisivenss is killing me, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I must come to a resolution and a closure real soon and it doesn't look hopeful when I think of our M healing. I will heal, but our M is dead. As much as I love my H, being with him reminds me of his lies and deceptions and I can't live with it. I think you have to come to a point when you ask yourself "what is it that you can live with and what is it that you can't live with". I've decided, I can't live with the A, the lies, the deception, etc. from someone who was a newlywed and everything was good. Our M wasn't stale or boring. It was new, fresh and good. There is no excuse for what he did except that he has major character flaws and I don't want to deal with them. I hope I'm making some sense. Please comment if you think I'm making a mistake.
