The positives are that my H still loves me, wants to put our marriage back together but most of all he wants US to be happy. He told me that in the beginning he wanted me to be happy but he is now thinking more and more about his own happiness and the more we're together, the more he feels like our marriage is moving more in the downward mode as opposed to the upward mode and he can't take living in limbo much longer. He wants to move forward one way or another. He has taken quite a bit from me, verbally attacked, threats, etc. I told him the other night that I was going to blow the whistle on him at work and he threatened me that he would pick up and move away just so he could start a fresh new life.

What does Gwyn want? He has taken quite a bit off of YOU? Before the A, or after? You can feel however you choose to feel for as long as you feel it. You don't need his permission. Again, what do YOU want? If you don't know yet, give yourself time to figure it out.
My mom and my sister warns me constantly that my H is going to get fed up with all of this, leave me and then I will go into a mode of chasing him down, begging, pleading, etc. And I'll be sorry that I let him go.

Again, what do YOU want? They could be right, and doing those things probably wouldnt help your R with your H. But, whether you are sorry or not that you let him go has to depend on what you feel and what you want in your future, not whether your Mom, Sister, or H thinks something is good for you, bad for you, how you'll act, or whatever.

want to move into another apartment and give myself another six months to overcome all of this but I'm scared to say anything to my H because this could be the straw that breaks our M up for good. I know that I'm not ready to live with him, but don't want to stay in the apartment that I have now because it is so depressing (it's a dump) and it adds to my depression everyday I have to go there.

Here we go. You have written what you want. You fear you H's reaction, and that you'll lose him. Well sister, after all he's put you through, you deserve time and space to decide what you want for you. If you commit to have an R with him right now for any other reason than that you want it and can work on it , it probably won't work. You can only give what you have to give. As long as you feel like sabotaging the M (for any reason), it won't work. If you are honest with him about your feelings, and he can't take it, it's his choice.

I think my H has had enough and either I make a decision or he's going to make it for me.

Again, that is H's choice. Will you let fear of losing him decide this for you.. or will you let the decision be what is best for you right now? You could commit to working it out all day long, but if you are too emotionally sick to do that, how can he expect you to? On the other hand, maybe its just a matter of deciding you're gonna do it and then doing it. Only you know the answer to the questions you ask. Look in your heart.. ask Gwyn what she wants. Try not to think what H, or anyone else says about what you need... what do you need right now?

Time out? A good friend? For your H to hold you, and reassure you over and over and over? Ask for what you need right now, give what you can. It might be anti-DB, but you seem very emotional and confused. Give it some time and get some help for YOU first.