I've started re-reading DR and I really don't get this "as if" stuff. Can someone give me some direction with this? I'm desparately trying to change my thinking but unfortunately, my sleep is invaded, I continue to loose weight and I'm still very unhappy. I try very hard to imagine myself without my H and it makes me very sad but at the same time, when I see myself with my H, I'm no more the happier. Again, I haven't committed to my M and I know that's why I'm where I am. How do you know if the M is something you want? Are there any questions that someone can throw out at me that will give me the issues that I really need to face. I met with my MC yesterday and he told me that he admired me for staying in the M and wants to help me along but he also knows that I have a very hard pill to swallow and he's not even too sure I'm going to be able to that, but he's there to help me along and will counsel me on my decision. I cannot get to that decision. And the circle continues to go round and round. I think staying M is the right thing to do so that's why I'm staying the course. However, with that said, all the "stuff" that I have to "get over" makes it very difficult. I'm not saying that his A cannot be forgiven, because it of course is, it's all the other stuff.
Once again, I sound desparate, doom and gloom and I know I have what so many of you out there want, a remorseful spouse, a spouse that will do anything to put this M back together so why is it that I'm having such difficulty with trying to let the A go? It is dead! I frankly am beginning to think that I'm just co-dependent and that I want someone in my life, no matter who it is, rather than no one.
I know you all are getting weary reading the same old stuff from me but your advise are always helpful and I appreciate your patience.
