How about, just for today, you be happy? Give your mind a break. Try not to figure this out. Try not to worry about what you're going to do about your M. Imagine what a day would be like when you were happy and clueless. Act "AS IF". I've been having to stop my thoughts in their tracks and tell myself that I can think about it later. Last night when H and I were lying in bed and he was being sweet, a question came to mind. He was offered another job yesterday (which means he could get away from OW permanently), and I wanted to ask if he was going to take it. Instead of asking, I decided to just enjoy the moment with him and let him bring up the subject when he's ready. There were a couple of other things that came to mind.. worries.. when he gets close to me, it sets my mind to wondering and thinking, obsessing. But I decided that I DESERVE to have happy moments with H, and if he has those memories to take with him to work, he'll be thinking of how sweet I am, not of how bad the night before was with me. Today I woke up singing. 4 months later I've decided to forgive him and trust him again. Whatever residual pain or insecurity that comes from his A, I choose to not dwell on it, use it against him in the future, or try to make him pay for what he's done. I'm taking stock of the positives. I've set boundaries for our relationship and made them clear. We can't have a future unless he never speaks to OW again, or if he cheats on me, but I also realize that we can't have a future unless I decide to let her go too. We can't be happy unless I change how I feel about what's happened and move on. I know the pain is great. Choose not to let that pain control your life today and in the future.
Great job last night on dinner!!! It's a wonderful step forward into a new life. The feelings this morning, they are just feelings.. let 'em go. Think about last night and relish the fact that you two can still connect!
