Oh gosh Gwyn, I meant to say also. A realization that humbled me. I thought I was doing so good giving H another chance.. doing all those "have to's" you referred to. Not fair, not fair, not fair! But then, I realized that I'm only doing what I vowed to do before God when I married him. "For better or worse, richer or poorer..." There is a verse..hmmm.. the reference and my bible are at home (it's about servants and how they are just doing what a servant is supposed to do.. I think it's in Luke), but study the prodigal son too. I was so miffed when he first moved back home that everyone was trying to help him, baby him, etc and here I was doing all the sacrificing.. then I read the last verse of the prodigal son where the father roast the biggest calf to celebrate and the son who has been there working all along is jealous.. then the father says, my son you have always been right here with me. And I realize that is how I felt, like he was being celebrated when he had done so much wrong and I was being the servent and getting nothing - but I do have something - I've had God right here all along, and that's so much more. I've gotten to know Jesus intimately...nothing compares and H still isn't there yet. Even though he's getting the early attention, I've got my Father's attention and care - that is priceless.
