Thanks. You say you still struggle. How long have you struggled? I don't think I have that kind of strength. I prayed this morning with all my heart and with all my soul. I cried out to God to heal my heart to give me a spirit of true forgiveness and yet I'm still have thoughts of revenge. I know this is not the spirit of God and I'm trying to anchor myself in His word, but I'm still have so much turmoil.
I was very interested in your post. I feel so much the same way as you do but I need to know, do you feel that God has truely answered your prayers? How can I be sure that God is speaking to me? I know this sounds weak as a christian, but on the one hand I feel as though God is putting distance between me and my marriage and on the other, I feel like that he wants me and my H to be together and stay married. IMO my H has not connected with God or is close to God and isn't searching for God's will. He's leaving it all up to me. So here is my struggle. He had a glorious affair, over a span of a year, 1/2 of our married life, now I have to "get over it" I have to "accept it", I have to "forgive", I have to, I have to, I have to, I have to.......why am I here? When will God answer? Don't get me wrong, I believe in God's time, I will have the answers meanwhile I'm holding on as best I can and sometimes, I feel like giving up too. Do you really think God wants us to stay married to a person who has cheapened God, our church, our vows? Doesn't God teach us to depart from the wicked? Love them yes, but do not sit with them. I think if I knew my H was walking this journey with God in the lead, I would have a little more peace about this, but for now, I think he's too ashamed to talk to God and frankly, looking back, I don't think he has ever had a personal relationship with God so he has no idea what I'm searching for so my struggle continues. Anything in this post makes sense? Am I a christian with little faith? As I type these questions, I'm answering myself and I realize that my journey has just begun and I have a long way to go.
