Gwyn...I am not knowledgable to your whole sitch..but I can relate. Maybe if you hear of my own sitch from years ago than maybe it will help.
When my H and I were first together..many years ago..16 to be exact..we were engaged then too. He had an affair with a married woman whom was depressed and I believe now..going through MLC. It devostated me...I went nuts..I couldn't do anything..I found out by her while working. She called my job to speak to me and dropped the bomb. I went nuts. I had my boss come in from home so I could leave. I was an emotional wreck. I didn't stop thinking about it..the whys..the whens...the wheres. I drove him nuts constantly talking about it. It hurt us and our relationship more to rehash over and over. It kept the pain and betrayal alive and didn't let our love come through. Of course our engagemnet was off per my request. I thought how can I marry a man knowing he could do this to us even before the marriage? We seperated..we weren't living together at that time and I tried everyday to focus on myself. with time it got much easier. I learned to just do one thing at a time and it had to be for myself first. No one else..not even him. I got my life back. And wouldn't you know...he came running back. It took alot of work and alot of sleepless nights crying by myself...yes I can relate....but those things didn't help..I realized that I can control how hurt I get from his bad behaviors. I can either let it succomb me and take away all my dreams and love for this man...or I can control it..and let my dreams and love for this man take me away.
We are still together...have been married for 8 years now..2B 3&6. He is now in the throws of MLC and I am at the same cross roads again. Onlt this time I have the knowledge..and knowledge is power. I tend to succeed. I think you have it in you...it's just masked by your hurt and shock of the betrayal. But look at why you love your H...what brought that love to you in the first place...you can have that and more!! Take it one day..today say I will love myself first...if not a day than do one hour at a time..whatever to get you through. Know you have company here...but leave the misery behind to find your love infront! Take care and GOD bless!!
