My husband and I went to counseling last night and I completely vented. I told the counselor that I'm ill, I don't know if I'm able to get over this and he told me there was no shame in this but he would encourage me to try to save the marriage. He used analogy that my house has been blown apart but the foundation is still there. It has a few cracks in it but it can be repaired and it's up to us whether to rebuild the house. I know that there are many success stories out there but I wonder how many failures there are. I am of the opinion that my marriage is so broken that it can't be put back together. No matter how hard I try, I cannot find peace in staying with my husband. It just doesn't seem to be the right thing for me to do. I am so stupid for not knowing what was going on when I had all the warning signs. It makes me sick that I wasn't more deligent in my suspicions. I an also very afraid that I may be giving up on a marriage that may turn out to be great. My husband is very remorseful and he wants more than anything to work out this marriage, so why can't I move forward and try to make this work? I cannot figure this out, maybe it just isn't meant to be. I feel so cheap, violated, and insulted by all of this. I'm also very insulted at my attempts to make this marriage work when it goes against everything that I believe in. I struggle spiritually with this everyday. What is worse, being alone with hopes that I'll meet someone like my husband but with a little more commitment, or trying to work this marriage out and be miserable because the damage is so great.
Can anyone help? I told my husband this morning that I'm leaving for a couple of days because I just need to be alone. I'm at the point of believing that I'm not the type of person who will ever let the affair die and that it will never be over for me. Will my peace come from divorcing him? Or will this cause more pain? I desperately need some help with this one.
