Sounds like you are having to cope with a lot right now.
Quote: I know I need to the 180 suggested in DR, but I cannot get there. Can anyone give me some advise and how you were able to do it
I understand how difficult it must be to try and do a 180 when it feels like everything else is falling apart around you. When I first started trying to DB, I told myself that what I had been doing till now, did not seem to be working (cheeseless tunnel) so what did I have to lose by trying something different. The first time that I did a 180, I felt so much better that it gave me the incentives to do more and more (as they say, nothing succeeds like success). One of my 180s was to take control of my temper. Once I made the decision, I realised how empowered I felt. When I would lose my temper, I would feel really bad inside but the more that I was able to control my temper, the better I began to feel about myself and H also has commented on this. We are able to communicate in much better ways now although we are separated.
The second thing that helped me was something that a friend told me. He said 'whether you laugh or cry, either way, you have a husband that cheated and a M that is in crisis. your reaction is your choice'. This, in a really strange way, gave me permission to smile and laugh, regardless of how bad things got. And, this made cope with everything much better.
Lastly, there was also this tiny streak of pride in me that said 'I will not let circumstances defeat me and turn me into a loser. I will take control of my life and make it into something much better, something I am happy with.'
Gwyn, I know how you feel. In my case, I have always depended on others for emotional support and to have to deal with my Hs infidelity was really tough. But, I firmly believe that you can do it. You have taken the initiative to come to this board. You have the power within you to rise above the circumstances.
Quote: My marriage is still hanging on by a thread
If this is true, then what have you got to lose by trying to do something differently. Who knows, it may make this thread so strong that it turns into an unbreakable bond.
What are some of the 180s you are considering? What have you tried that has or has not worked?
You mentioned that your mood changes when you read DR - in what ways does it change? Is it more positive? You also said that your H has also noticed this and wants you to stop reading them - if so, could he feel threatened by the change in you?
